My Choice

Often those who have been betrayed by a infidelity feel like they don’t have a lot of choice in the matter.  We don’t really when our spouse/partner decides behind our back to lie, deceive, steal and carry on a adulterous relationship that they SWORE would never happen.  The betrayed struggle with the why? And sometimes the answers is just because they can.

Murderers have no RIGHT to kill anyone just because they can. Cheaters have no RIGHT to kill a marriage just because they can.  In my opinion, Green’s cheating almost KILLED my marriage by doing something that he had NO right to do.  But we don’t live in a black and white world, do we?  In the end just because Green had NO right to do it doesn’t mean he couldn’t do it. He DID it.  He cheated on me.  Green’s cheating took my right to a marriage free from infidelity away from me.

So where does that leave me, the betrayed. Once that right has been violated where was a court to cure my violated rights? Where was my justice?

Most would say then this is where the betrayed spouse regains control.   Many choose to divorce.  Infidelity is like an atom bomb – it destroys so profoundly for some that there is nothing left to fight for anymore.  Some choose to forgive and reconcile.  While the infidelity is no less offensive, no less hurtful, no less destructive this betrayed spouse instead sees a path to redemption and perhaps a way through this tragedy to rebuilding a better and stronger marriage.

I choose to forgive and to accept what happened. I chose to live a life NOT forever marked by it.

Restrain Me? I think NOT.

So today was a very odd day. It was a day that started out tense and negative.  Yet it ended on a pretty good note!  Life changing actually.  Life changing in a good way.  Good for ME.

So with my post of yesterday I was up late last night worried about going to court on my last appearance to resolve the domestic violence charges against me. Those charges actually were reduced, last year, to a stupid misdemeanor ‘disturbing the peace’ conviction but still being arrested, charged with a felony and faced with the possibility of my whole family and career being destroyed was highly traumatic.  As I try to move past this trauma I was itching to get this episode resolved but yet I was dreading dealing with the less than understanding court.

The high cost of anger

Friends let this be a lesson to you.

Don’t hit or slap a cheating spouse. 

It might feel good. They might allow it.  They may let you rage and strike them in an effort to convey the pain you feel.  Or they might not.  And you might get arrested.

In my case, Green used it as a tool to get back at me. His anger at being removed from our home by the Sheriff months earlier was now getting me arrested. What sweet pay back he must of felt!

All I know is that the momentary pleasure I took from it was fleeting.