Blog Rules

7 Nov

“It takes no courage to criticize. But it takes great courage to do what God tells you to do while loud voices demean you. Do the right thing!”  Rev. Rick Warren

Be-Nice-or-LeaveI’m really sorry that I even have to post this but seriously there are a lot of rude, f’d up and vulgar trolls out there who are working my last nerve. You know I work in politics… well, people always says politicians are scumbags. Not true. Blog trolls are the bigger scumbags. At least a politician publicly announces their challenges to society and community – good or bad. A blog troll seeks only to criticize, demean and bully those of us who choose to tell our story or share our experiences from behind their computer screens.

Stupid things trolls say in their comments,

  1. I am a doormat because I chose to repair my marriage with an unfaithful spouse? Oh well I thought I was working on my “for better or worse” part of my marriage vows.  This is my “or worse,” at least, that is how I choose to deal with it.  Troll don’t like it? Go to another blog, bitch.
  2. Oh yes, so you think my unfaithful husband’s a lying sack of shit? You think he will cheat again? Oh well… Thank you Captain Obvious for your deeply thoughtful & original thoughts!  It’s not like those VERY SAME thoughts NEVER occurred to me.
  3. You would NEVER tolerate cheating?  You TOLD your spouse that it was over if he cheated? Oh, clearly I’m a dumb-ass and I didn’t make that one abundantly clear…. thanks for telling me!   Next time I will surely remember.   Oh wait, I did say that.  I said it in a church. I said it in front of 200 people…. Again, thanks for nothing moron.

I know some of you will post that Green hurt me.  You will speak truthfully and forcefully about things that don’t pass the smell test.  You will shake some sense into me & remind me that at times Green doesn’t deserve my forgiveness or kindness.  I accept that and I welcome it.  What is different about those comments is just the way it’s posted, the context, as comment that is truly one of constructive criticism.  One intended to help and even push me out of my fog.  I get it.  And I appreciate it mostly because mostly those comments are NOT RUDE.

I have few rules for this blog but I will not tolerate bullies and vulgar name calling.  Readers, BE NICE.   I share my story because I am trying to find some sanity and some peace.  I also offer my story because other bloggers shared theirs and it gave me some hope that I could survive this shit train of calamity called infidelity.  Most of my story is terrible. Some of my story is absurd.  I am just trying to mostly laugh at it, my husband and myself while I turn away from the tears and temper my rage and my hurt.

So go ahead, waste your time lame ass troll, write your arrogant, uselessly stupid and crass comment.  I will delete the comment and block you.  I suggest you use your time more wisely Troll – why don’t you go eat a puppy or slam the door on a Girl Scout?!

Or perhaps you can learn to play nice, as you were taught in Kindergarten, and maybe we could have a nice decent conversation? Maybe even SUPPORT one another? Is that so hard?!

ps. Am I alone in thinking that most of those troll comments come from scorned Affair Partners or Other Wo/Men who are looking to legitimize the terrible role they played in destroying relationships and families?

ps2. If I didn’t delete your comment, and its posted, CONGRATULATIONS! You are not a troll!  🙂

18 Responses to “Blog Rules”

  1. jolene November 7, 2013 at 3:54 pm #

    I totally agree the troll are scorned ex affair partners that can’t get past that the wife was strong enough to rebuild what they wanted to wreak. Its just their way of taunting and trying to cause triggers and second guess your strength and new security, knowing there is some vulnerability. Scored affair partners or troll are like the devil wanting you to second guess a hope to cause insecurity issues. So tell the trolls where to go. Straight to hell… They failed to destroy.. They need to get over it…And take a good look in the mirror.

    • Flaca November 7, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

      Yeah, as was the case with the OW in my situation… these cheaters are some very damaged people who get off on hurting other people. It must be a sad & lonely world for them.

  2. amanda November 7, 2013 at 4:28 pm #

    Here’s the deal, Flaca. Having been fodder on many-a-salacious forum, I have come to this conclusion. First of all, they are anonymous. NONE of them would ever say such things if they knew you nor would they say it to your face in person even if they didn’t know you.
    I have surmised that they are scorned other women or possibly pole dancers. It is also quite possible that they were married and their husbands actually LEFT them for the whores. And if that’s not the case, then they were married to despicable men, with or without cheating, to begin with, thus, they are already scumbags (the men and the women).
    The only other thing I can consider is that they are very naive, maybe young and unmarried, or just young, and have never been witness to, or subjected to themselves,
    the turmoil and incalculable pain caused by infidelity. When they become a victim of betrayal, or watch someone they love go through it, they will be seeking blogs like ours for encouragement.
    If it is not one of the above that cause them to respond in such a way, then I am at a loss.

    • Flaca November 7, 2013 at 6:37 pm #

      Lol Amanda – pole dancers!

      I agree.. I used be one of those naive wives. I used to think it would never happen to me. I too judged other families who were affected by infidelity. And then it slammed into my house and threatened to take me down with it!

      But thanks to bloggers like you… I have the strength to show those poisoned trolls the door! Delete!

  3. Tryinghard November 7, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    What took you so long? I read that comment and my first inclination was it was a scorned OW in disguise. I almost answered with a eff you bitch. Why not just admonish someone for getting treatment for cancer too. But this is your blog and what a great job you did.

    I can take criticism matter of fact I search it out. This biotch was obviously some scorned, bitter person with nothing but a sophomoric, two cent opinion.

    I love how she pointed out the obvious. Really it took a fucktard like you to point this out to me??? Well call me bitch cause I’ve got some eye opening life lessons I know I could teach you.

    Congrats on so eloquently putting it in its place!

    • Flaca November 7, 2013 at 6:40 pm #

      Dear Trying Hard,

      I am so glad you noticed. Hah, I thought I was the only one. Or being sensitive.

      But hell. I have a right to sensitive, right? Like others, I am dealing with the fallout of two damaged people trying to destroy my marriage!

      I wanted to be diplomatic. I tried. I wanted to let people have their say. I thought perhaps I should let people have ‘their say’ and ‘respect other opinions.’ But then I read and re-read the comments, (now deleted… others I don’t have the energy to look for) and I thought, “Wtf?! I already deal with the bullshit of my own CS and his whore? I already deal with that shit storm & now some hater? Oh. Hell. No.”

      Thanks for your support! I debated pretty long about posting about this. I didn’t want to come off as a whiner.

      ps. Fucktard is one my favorite words! 😉

      • tryinghard November 15, 2013 at 6:59 am #

        Yes you do have the right to be sensitive and this is YOUR blog so you can respond, delete, block whomever and whatever you choose. I have very little tolerance for abuse of any kind. This is one of the fallout effects of my H’s betrayal. It’s like oh no, I will not let YOU mess with me, I’ve already been messed with enough for a life time!!! I don’t understand the trolls on these blogs as I have read Shawn’s blog and see the same thing happening. My only guess is it’s scorned other women or people who are judging us for staying in our marriages. I’ve read lots of blogs where the OW has posted her story, her hurt and don’t say a word. Actually they have helped me a lot getting into their heads because much like us, most of their stories are all the same. I wish you well and hope you will continue to post.

  4. DJ November 7, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    I totally agree. No one browses through infidelity blogs unless they have had experience with it. And if they make those insensitive remarks, they are not on the decent side of it and have no business commenting here.

    No one can tell us whether it is right or wrong to stay, unless we are placing ourselves in harm’s way. It is an individual decision. We each have to weigh our situations and decide the best course for us and our families. There is pain in staying. There is pain in leaving. No one gets out unscathed.

    If we stay, the cheater himself becomes a trigger for the memories and the hurt. There is no getting away from it – we must work through it. It takes a strong spirit to work through that kind of anguish. You are a strong spirit, Flaca. You go, girl.

    • Flaca November 7, 2013 at 6:42 pm #

      “If we stay, the cheater himself becomes a trigger for the memories and the hurt. There is no getting away from it – we must work through it.”

      Very insightful. You are right. The cheater is the trigger for me. I have such a hard time looking into Green’s eyes and knowing what they saw when they lied and hurt me. It’s hard enough to get through with support… I refused to do it with rude and insensitive remarks.

      Thanks for your comments!

      • amanda November 8, 2013 at 9:27 am #

        “If we stay, the cheater himself becomes the trigger…” Who said that? Is that in a comment somewhere? I so struggle with this. That’s why the thought of walking away is often so enticing–but walking away, of course, will bring a multitude of other struggles (income, children, comfort…you get the gist). That is a tough one for me, BIG TIME. It is at this point, when I consider walking away, I am forced to realize that, as my friends and family say, “shit or get off the pot”–but it’s not that easy. And at what point do you know whether you can or can’t “get through it” and keep your marriage together in peace? It is such an impossible position to be in. It’s like “how much more fucking time is it gonna take before I am no longer “bothered” by it?” Is it really as simple as a “decision to forgive and let go and NEVER think about it again?” This is a tough one. How does one know when or IF it’s going to end? Is it as simple as a “decision”? Like, “would you like fries or cole slaw with that?” It’s not so simple. I struggle with this. I know this doesn’t make much sense, but I know what I’m trying to say…just difficult to put into words.

      • Flaca November 8, 2013 at 10:33 am #

        DJ said that above in her comments – about the CS being the trigger. I too thought it was very insightful. And I connected to it right away because that’s how I feel everyday, too.

        I don’t think I will ever just forgive and forget. That’s not normal. But I think I can heal. Maybe like a broken bone… perhaps I will heal and be stronger.

        You are right, its not simple. It’s not easy. Leaving or staying – either decision is difficult. But I think there is a reward to sticking it out. At least for me, that’s what I am focusing on.

        Big hugs.

  5. shawnthewife November 7, 2013 at 6:04 pm #

    We may have been separated at birth, Sister!
    I just posted about a troll that is truly chapping my ass by calling my husband’s office pretending to be the OW!! WTF? Do these people have such a sorry ass life that they have nothing better to do??
    Most haters don’t phase me. They don’t know me. I have a delete button. I utilize it.
    But, this chicken shit bitch is on my last nerve so I wrote a post to call her out.

    Sorry you have been attacked by readers with no hearts…or brains!! You definitely let those ass-hats know where you stand. Nicely done.
    Hope & Hugs!

    • Flaca November 7, 2013 at 6:44 pm #

      Sister, you and some many other bloggers are my heroes!

      So often you go toe to toe with these trolls. I don’t have your fortitude.

      Infidelity was ugly enough.

      My work is ugly enough.

      I sought out the blogosphere to heal, laugh and learn.

      Thank you for being part of it & for your friendship!

  6. bombladoze November 8, 2013 at 1:29 am #

    i love your sense of humour… things go dark at times so i try to keep mine about me too! one day i hope i can look back on it, actual lol, think, gosh youre an egg and wonder what on earth i was being such a sad sack about it for!

    i havent had the pleasure of uh… crossing that bridge to find my own troll… but ive seen a few… just have to wonder, what are they so angry about? id be pretty mad if i were trying to play princesses and longing to find love only to end up looking like a whore… but as it is, i have enough stuff of my own to be mad about!

  7. leaveitonthepage November 11, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

    I’m a little late to the show and just read this post tonight… I started rolling on #3, that was me 150%. I told my husband, “If you ever cheat on me I’ll divorce you, cut your dick off, etc.”

    I had a number of trolls, not the least worth mentioning was the OW herself, along with her husband. I changed my blog address 3 times and eventually made it private and started over with this new blog. Of course starting over has only consisted of 2 post, but hey I’ve tried!

    Trolls can be real life too. Most of my friends, no scratch that all of my friends except one pretty much abandoned me and talked shit about me for staying with my husband. These were women I’d been friends with for 10+ years. I’d be willing to bet half of them will be divorced themselves within 5 years and here I’ll be still trying to rebuild my marriage.

    • Flaca November 14, 2013 at 11:25 pm #

      I know too well what you are saying.

      I have not many ‘friends’ left either.

      It’s ok. It taught me that a lot of people are afraid of true friendship… infidelity cooties scare people. I am not afraid anymore. I have seen the worst… nothing can hurt me anymore.

      Best wishes sweetie. I hope all is well.

  8. Gee December 10, 2013 at 12:46 am #

    Sorry you get trolls. I haven’t read any comments that you took as mean, as like you said, you would have deleted them.

    I’m not sure, though, that they really are APs. I guess I don’t see APs wasting their time on infidelity blogs. I guess, I see it as, why would they care?

    I think that the blue meanies you may be referring to are just your average gal who just thinks different than you or me or others. And I do think they have been cheated on – otherwise, again, the internet is so large and full of life – why would women who have not been cheated on spend countless hours in this hell that you write and I and others read – with intensity and longing for me… I mean, really, there are so many gossip sites if they want sh*t like we’ve been through. So really, I guess my opinion is quite different. I don’t think they are whores or strippers or other types of lowlife sh*theads who think nothing of themselves, let alone other women (why think of anyone else?). I really just think they are like you and me – only have a much different perspective. You are in politics you say – well, you have all sorts of people on the same table who have completely different views and ways of looking at things…and who want to push their agendas, and that is what I think your Blue Meanies are doing. Maybe post some in the future … let us have a crack at them instead.


  1. The high cost of anger | Kissing A Fool - November 14, 2013

    […] ** I know I will draw “you are a doormat” or “you are pathetic” comments…… […]

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