“Unkind people need your kindness the most, they advertise their pain,” Rick Warren
On why I am choosing to forgive my spouse (eventually). Not today, maybe not this year but someday. But I am choosing a path that’s driven by kindness even if that’s not what he chose for me. It’s a choice I want my children, daughters, to one day find that compassion come from a position of strength and not weakness.
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Kissing A Fool 
I read and am reading again a great book on Forgiveness called Glad to Forgive by Dr. Tom Mills. It really opened my eyes to the process of forgiveness. There are four stages and they totally make sense.
Our marriage counselor had me read a book by Dr. Jay Adams called From Forgiven To Forgiving. It was HARD to read because I felt like Dr. Adams, and our counselor, were throwing it all on me…it’s like we weren’t even focusing on why forgiveness was necessary in the first place. I think it practically takes a saint to really forgive unfaithfulness. I am in awe of those who have truly forgiven their adulterous spouses. I’m not there yet. 😦
i think I liked Tom Watts because he uses a study that was done that doesnt’ rush forgiveness and made me feel like I was on the right track from the start. The people he referred to have a sight you might like to check outhttp://www.leaderu.com/common/journeyofforgiveness.html
Reblogged this on I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You and commented:
This is from another blog I follow that I like very much. My therapist tells me that one must work on one’s anger before moving on to forgiveness. You just can’t rush forgiveness if done correctly.
Flaca, I haven’t blogged in a spell (before today). On Wed 6/5 I’ll have a “doozie” of a post for you! 😀
xo1981
Flaca, although my 6/3/13 comment immediately proceeding this one is still awaiting your moderation ( 😦 ), I’m going to write what my above entry said I’d write today (6/5).
“Enquiring Minds Want To Know”
No, I’m not a “National Enquirer” (an American tabloid) reader, but I AM being “nosy” here. 😀 Admittedly, the following statement is borne from some selfishness and snoopiness on my part (my looking out for MY best interests). However, there IS a little bit of altruism at play here, also (my looking out for YOUR best interests).
All kidding aside, everyone heals at her/his own pace and in her/his own way. This is especially true when a marriage is being rebuilt from the ground up following the crime of an affair! Your very well written posts have been enlightening to me, AND somewhat of a teaser, Flaca, because of the “bits and pieces” that you reveal about the particulars of your husband’s affair and the devastation caused to you as the result of his thoughtless and self-centered betrayal.
(Note: I’m NOT intentionally disparaging your husband with my above comments; I’m VERY happy that You and Green are trying to rebuild your marriage together, as it breaks my heart when a marriage fails because of adultery [as my former marriage did]. It feels like the “bad guys” win when that happens.)
All that having been said, I nosily desire to read the chronological story about the horror brought upon you. I remember when you and I exchanged one of our first communications with each other:
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betrayalsurvivor1981 March 17, 2013 at 2:10 am
Flaca, I’m glad you’ve started a blog! I’ve read your comments on other blogs. What’s your story?
Reply
Flaca, March 26, 2013 at 10:20 pm
Thanks! i keep meaning to start my story… but ugh, where is the time?! famous last words. so far i am just trolling other blogs to find some sanity…some folks to relate to. and thankfully those bloggers have been lifesavers – quite literally. some have made me laugh & cry… most often both. i’ll be in touch soon.
ps thanks for being my 1st commentor!!!
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DISCLAIMER: Flaca, YOU are the one who’s needs to heal in this case, NOT me (I’ve already completed my years of healing, thank God)! The most important thing is for YOU and YOUR marriage to heal! If writing in detail about Green’s affair helps you to “purge” as you move along in your healing, then I encourage it (the “altruism” factor here). ***HOWEVER, IF WRITING IN DETAIL ABOUT GREEN’S AFFAIR TRAUMATIZES YOU, FLACA, THEN DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DON’T DO IT—NO MATTER HOW DAMN NOSY SOME OF US ARE!!!***
With or without the “timeline and details” I am an ardent fan of your blog, and will continue to be!
____________
(Hell, why did this entire entry take so many words to write? Well, I’m just being me, and I talk a lot and write a lot! 😀 🙂 😀 🙂
Take care, Flaca.
xoxo1981
Ooops, my first paragraph above should have said:
“Flaca, although my 6/3/13 comment immediately PRECEDING this one is still awaiting your moderation…”
Flaca, how are you doing?
xo 1981
It’s been a couple of weeks. Starting to worry about you. Could you just type a few words to let us know you’re OK? Thanks.
Damn stright! Do it for you…for them…set an example of forgiveness and love but make sure you set the boundaries and walk away IF it gets too much, you need to show them self respect too (not saying in the slightest that you have none as I understand what youre doing but make sure they know its about more than ‘putting up’ with being disrepected – you know how kids take things literally) Well done, stay strong xB
Flaca, are you alright? Just thinking about you, that’s all. 🙂
Have you stopped blogging too? How are you doing?
Flaca, are you doing alright? Just thinking about you.
just a little worried about you, flaca. been a while since you’ve posted.