Tag Archives: Relationships

In the News

13 Apr

Scene- DIY project Sunday. This weekend its replacing ugly mirrored closet doors in our bedrooms. Pushing them out of the house – it takes us both to move them. They are massively tall and weigh about 200 lbs each.  Kiddos- Ditto and Dot are playing ‘house’ in sunroom.  Huey Lewis & the News’ ‘If this is it’ is on the radio.

Flaca-  Sometimes I think we should give in and get divorced and end it all like Huey Lewis says. Are we happy or just avoiding fights?

Green-  No. Come on.. What does he say?

Flaca- singing, badly, ” If this is it, I want to know…. If this ain’t love, baby, Just say so… You’ve been thinking,  And I’ve been drinking, We both know that it’s, Just not right….”

Green, interrupts, –  Oh hell no, come on. No. No one listens to Huey. What does he know? Everyone knows that you listen to the News. You never listen to Huey.

And so we exist.  Moving on or moving past? Or just moving so we don’t have to stop and suffer the silence?

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Red Letter Day

20 Dec

So its been a while since I last blogged.  About 4 weeks ago I had a big change in taking on a new job which has me traveling and commuting… something I have not done too much in the last three years. It’s a good change though.  I needed to be nudged out of my home office into the real world again.  (More about that later.)

Yet besides the hustle and bustle of the holidays nothing much has changed in my marriage…  We are friendlier.  And yet we are in a holding pattern it seems.  It was over two years ago that Green started his affair and its been about 18 months ago that the affair fully ended.

  • We still struggle with the issues that infidelity has wrought upon our family.
  • Green still struggles with his own shame and ‘making it’ up to me.
  • I still struggle with my fractured self esteem and in being intimate with him.
  • Yet WE still persevere.

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Shadows and Shame

21 Nov

In my last post I wrote about Betsy, Green’s aunt (through marriage) who is going through a divorce due to her husband’s infidelities. Unlike a lot of other cheating husbands, Eddie, Green’s oldest uncle is a cold hearted jerk.  He is unrepentant, is arrogant, has a million excuses about why he chose to cheat on his wife instead of dealing with his issues.

comforting-woman3What I am struggling with is how do I respond to it.  As someone who has ‘been there and done that’ should I reach out to Betsy, let her know that I understand what she is going through?  Or should I shut the hell up?  I am surely no expert on healing after infidelity but I do empathize with her.  Being a betrayed spouse is an awfully lonely place to be.

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