Tag Archives: trust

Understanding Your Loyal Spouse

23 Dec

So it’s nearly Christmas… TRIGGER TIME!

I am having a hard time getting my husband to understand why I am ‘not over it.’ I can’t even bring myself to go shopping for any gifts for him. I have nothing. None. Nothing. Zip.  The kiddos are taken care of… but him…. I just feels so forced.

I am 30 weeks pregnant now. Little guy is kicking like crazy… but I can’t even enjoy it.  Perhaps its my hormones…

My work life has been keeping super busy (sorry for not posting) as it deals with one crisis after another! The best one is my boss getting fired for the board of directors because of sexual harassment of a co-worker of mine who he’d been having a one-time consensual extramarital affair with. Short hand – he’s a lawyer, he’s married (with two little girls to a high profile woman in politics – Sound familiar?), he was banging a staffer off and on, then when she got a new boyfriend who said that the arrangement was gross, boyfriend threatens to break up with her & then she files for sexual harassment! So he got fired… she got a settlement & kept her job.  But now half of our funding got pulled and now 40 people may lose their job!!!! How’s that for a trigger?

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Resolutions for 2014

31 Dec

For the past two years I have dreaded New Years Eve.

On New Years Eve 2011 my husband ditched me to spend the day with his whore.

He stupidly thought I didn’t know he was with her. He thought I really believed he was getting his car fixed and seeing his friends at sports-bar ALL DAY LONG.  I knew he was fornicating in a cheap motel with her.

He called me at 9 pm on his way back home and coldly said, “I’m on my way. Get ready.”

I was so filled with rage and as such, my response was not good.  I was angry. I was hurt and humiliated.  I was scared.

I screamed back. “Fuck off. Don’t bother. Go back to your whore.”

Green laughed. “I wasn’t with anyone. YOU. ARE. CRAZY.”

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Halloween Masks

31 Oct

I have read some other posts recently about the pressures the we are under as those who have been betrayed by marital infidelity.   How we carry one with the decisions we make in the wake of being betrayed.  How we choose to show the world what we can forgive and what we cannot.

woman in an iron maskIf we take back our spouse then we are weak and we door mats… even more vulgar people will call us stupid.  If we kick out our spouse and opt for divorce then we are strong?  Either way we are labeled as damaged and certainly bitter.   But then I read an article that said that most people who divorce over infidelity go on to regret the divorce?

I am not sure that I am not heading towards eventual divorce.  I don’t hate Green anymore but I just sometimes feel very very wronged.  I feel like sometimes that divorce is the only way to right that wrong.

Still, for now Green is acting very repentant and regrets that te whole thing but he is still very reserved in explaining the “why.”   He says that he did it to hurt me because he had misplaced anger about his life.  Ok… so that answers doing it a few times.  A fling. Perhaps with different women.  But how does that explain a long term affair?  It would go on to be a love affair even if it was toxic love affair – at some point it moved from an attack upon me to something he desired and facilitated.   One that he had hoped to take to the next level?   One in that he fantasized about his new life?  That may be an answer that I will never get.  It is extremely hurtful to me because I am a very rational person who likes to have solid answers. Can I live with the fact that I may never KNOW what drove him to it?  Or do I just need to accept that the man I loved is selfish, narcissistic and capable of the most terrible actions upon me (aside from physical violence which he has never done) so that his own selfish ego is satisfied.  How does that leave me? What then am I satisfied with, then, within my marriage?

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