Ashamed on Father’s Day

21 Jun

Today is Father’s Dok daday.  I am ashamed of my husband on Father’s Day.

Today the non-betrayed wives everywhere in the US are talking, Facebooking and bragging about how wonderful their husbands are… Such perfect husband’s, loyal, patient, steady providers, such fine examples for their children…. Blah blah blah. Suck it Hallmark. I remember when I used to be proud of my husband too. I used to think Green was such a great dad to my daughters. I was so confident that my daughters would know how to pick good man to marry one day because I had picked such good man. Clearly my man picker is faulty – I truly worry for my girls now.

There’s nothing positive in this post. I was almost too embarrassed to write it but this blog is my truthful path of recovery and that means that my truthful path is ugly, sometimes.  I’m sick with food poisoning and fitfully napping with the baby – perhaps that’s why I’m in such a bad mood.  I decided to write this post because I think there may be some other Betrayed Wives out there who don’t want to admit feeling same thing.  couple-fake-happy-300x207

Like I’ve said before, healing from infidelity is hard.  It’s hard to always be the ‘Mrs.I’m Saving My Marriage and Overlooking His Cheating Ass’ every damn day.  It’s confusing too. I know you’re asking ‘Then why in hell did you have another kid with him?’ Well that’s easy… because I remember that Great Dad that Green used to be before the affair.  And saying good-bye to that marriage, to that father and to those memories is hard. And I know he can be a good dad and husband again.

It’s not like he’s not trying to be a good dad.  That’s the messed up part.  Green is right now outside in the sunny California heat on this Father’s Day swimming with our girls. I know he’d rather be inside asleep with a beer in his hand and some stupid sporting event on the tv.  But I know he feels guilty for the year that he ran away, the year he picked his whore over his family… so he’s trying to be a good dad now.  He keeps asking me if I need anything to feel better and I don’t have anything to say to him.

I did the gifts but I didn’t give him a card. I didn’t have the energy for it. The kids made the goofy sloppy homemade cards and showered him with hugs and kisses.  I find it hard to say, “Great job!”  I can’t when I instead I feel the echoes of the past disappointments and trauma.

Maybe next year I’ll be proud of him, again.

13 Responses to “Ashamed on Father’s Day”

  1. pabloswife at 6:04 pm #

    I hear ya!! Far too much gushing about all the great dads on FB today! I hope my sons don’t turn out like their father and my daughters don’t marry men like him. How sad is that??

  2. Bee at 7:44 pm #

    No card or gifts here. Father’s Day is a trigger for me. We went to the pool for two hours this morning and that was all. Lame, but like you, I’ve nothing to brag about anymore.

    • Flaca at 8:04 am #

      I’m sorry about the trigger. Hope today is better. Miss your blog.

      • Bee at 9:50 am #

        You can request access. I closed it because T was reading it.

  3. horsesrcumin at 9:33 pm #

    Not Father’s Day here until September. But in the global social media world it triggers anyway. I don’t do Father’s Day now. I am not his child. So, whatevs….. I used to. He was (and still is) a good dad. But he wasn’t good to me. So I owe him no fake Hallmark crap. Get well soon, Flaca x

    • Flaca at 8:05 am #

      Thanks for the reminder that US Fathers Day is not celebrated one the same day everywhere! I corrected my post! 🙂
      I always love to hear from you! Your ‘whatevs’ attitude always make me smile! I feel better already! Thanks again!

      • horsesrcumin at 11:34 am #

        Lol. I wasn’t offended at all you put everywhere. Didn’t actually notice that until you “corrected” it. The thing is, triggers are everywhere. Someone’s birthday/engagement/wedding/etc. Always a reason to remember what we lost. But life happens and you find a way of coping. Somehow! Glad you are feeling better.

  4. Bugsmetwo at 3:27 am #

    Well I understand. I had the kids give him cards and simple gifts but no card from me this year. I don’t even think he noticed one bit! I never even said happy Father’s Day to him. Later I expressed I was sad over not being able to take him out for dessert but he said he never expected it because it was a day for the kids. Perhaps he doesn’t want the praise and pride in being a father bestowed upon him by his wife? Here all these 9 years prior father’s days since he’s been a dad, I thought I was doing the nice complimentary expected behavior. I do have a husband that now is being patient and nice to our children. That is nice so I guess I’ll just go with it for now.

    • Flaca at 8:08 am #

      I hear you. I too wondered what my husband thought – does he want acknowledgement from me? He said yes. But he said he wasn’t hurt, that he knows these holidays bother me and that he’s trying to be a better man. I guess I’ll go with it too.

  5. tryinghard at 7:17 am #

    My husband made it very clear when my first Mothers Day came that I was NOT his mother and not to expect him to make over me for Mothers Day. I guess he thinks the day should be called Your Mothers Day. It’s Mothers Day for all mothers dummy not just your own!! Whatever, Lesson learned. So I never made a big deal of Fathers Day. Not before affair or since would I ever proclaim him the Best Father. Plus he would laugh in my face knowing damn good and well himself that he wasn’t. Regardless of some dumb day that Hallmark just loves no he is not or ever has been a Great Father as I see on so many FB posts. He did/does the best he knows how and that’s as good as it gets.

    Now anniversaries, that’s a different thing. LOL yeah would NEVER put a post on FB or anywhere else Worlds Best Husband, or 40 Wonderful Years with This Man!! Who the fuck am I kidding??? I often wonder if the people that post these things truly believe these guys are the Best at anything and are they trying to convince themselves more than anyone else.

    Now my Dad, he was the best so maybe my H had it right. Maybe the day SHOULD be called Your Fathers Day or Your Mothers Day.

    • Flaca at 8:11 am #

      Hahaha, “It’s Mothers Day for all mothers dummy not just your own!!”

  6. marriagerecovery at 7:41 am #

    After discovering so much shit about adultery I have to admit that I can’t swallow any “non-betrayed” wives comments about their husbands. It’s all a f***ing mirage! Adultery is EVERYWHERE. It’s like its an epidemic of sorts. Everyone who is married is living in a glass house. No marriage is immune and happy people cheat! Its a crock of shit that I’ve unearthed but I’ll never be guilty of being naïve again. Nevertheless I’m working on remaining vulnerable.

    We don’t have kids but I appreciate how you feel. I’m deeply ashamed of my husband’s behaviour. How could that ever change?

  7. Phoenix at 6:29 pm #

    I felt the same way. FB was a trigger just like every other damn day, thing or person is a trigger! You just slowly get through it. I sent my text msgs to some ppl but I said nothing to anyone on FB. I am happy for ppl in seemingly happy marriages. Honestly! Its just hard. Especially when I’m dealing with a muskrat who can’t, NAY! WON’T give me money for his two kids to eat lunch at camp. So, don’t feel bad, hon. Even though you decided to hang in there and fight, your gonna go through that myriad of emotions on days like yesterday. And ain’t nothing wrong with that!

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