Before Maria… there was Marie

6 Jun

When Green and I first met I was coming out of a very bad first marriage and relationship that lasted nearly 10 years. I’ll call my first husband, Pat.  That marriage was marked by Pat’s emotional and physical abuse.  For many years I also put up with his obsession with pornography.   I was a virgin when I got together with Pat.  So Pat shaped my sexual views and behaviors for a long long time.

Pat was a US Marine but he was terribly insecure. Pat had terrible anger issues and resented his family. (Sound familiar? Green and Pat look nothing alike – but issues wise they could be twins!!! I’m an idiot.) Toward the end of that marriage I went back to college and I got a job on my first Presidential campaign.  I was really blossoming.  Pat publicly supported it but at home he was a jealous asshole.  He hated my constant time on the road, he accused me of cheating… and in the end it was he who was unfaithful to me.  I was only 27 then. We had no kids. We owned nothing jointly – not even a pet or our cars.

So when he cheated on me, we fought, then he struck me and I ended up in an Emergency Room at 2 am before a huge event with a Presidential candidate? I ended the relationship.  I shut Pat down.  I saved my money for 2 months and I moved out.  Pat was shocked – he begged me not to leave him.  But I was so strong then. I just left.

As a matter of fact, Green, who at the time was my co-worker helped me move out.  Green also insisted that I have a house warming party, that he filled with his friends, to make me feel better. Green was turning out to be a really good friend.

So I dove even deeper into my new job. I finished my degree and I was not interested in dating ANYONE.

As I said, by then I’d know Green for about a year. He was just a co-worker.   Green was so young (he’s 6 years younger than me so at thgreen_eyes_by_catsastroficat time he was just 21 years old) and he was a big time flirt.  We were friends who sometimes had lunch together.  At the time Green was infatuated with another co-worker who was significantly older then him (she was 10 years older – so he was 21 and she was 31).  But she was gorgeous – her name, similar to the whore he would cheat on me with – was Marie.  Marie had big green eyes, she was petite with jet black hair, and pale white skin.  Marie was in a troubled marriage, her husband Jesse had cheated on her while she was pregnant with their 2nd son, and Green wanted to be her savior.  I watched Green goofily flirt with her and try to gain her attention.  Marie wasn’t interested in Green but she did use him to drive her husband insane.  One time Jesse even came to our work to physically assault Green because he’d read some of the texts Green sent to her.

At the time, I thought it was pretty pathetic.  Eventually because of our friendship I told him that.  I told Green…  “You can’t see past her beauty but she’s a bitch, too.  She uses your money, your time, your gifts to make her husband mad. And you… you follow along like a puppy.”

Eventually time passed and Green finally gave up on Marie. He moved on to date girls from his university.  I was happy for him!  I was casually dating my (HOT) former college professor (Yes!!!) and I was single for the first time since I was 17!  Green was my friend at work who used to tell me about his funny dating antics.   Sometimes I even made dinner reservations or sent flowers to these girls that Green dated on his behalf.  It’s pretty funny now in retrospect – before he cheated on me – I used to tease him about how I knew where ‘all the bodies were buried.’  He would blush.

notches in bedpostFast forward a year and I’d dated one other guy when I noticed that Green is now starting to flirt with me.  He’s starting to act jealous.  I felt a little weird about it because he was younger and I knew he liked dating girls at work. Green was known as a player. I didn’t want to be the next notch on his bedpost. I told him I was not interested but he was vigorous in his pursuit.  He would constantly beg for a date, flirt outrageously and be at my side at nearly every work event.  I was flattered but I was worried about his past.  He assured me that he’d changed. How stupid I was. He was only 22. He was still a boy.

But I gave in.  I made him promise not to hurt me. I remember saying to him, “Just don’t lie to me.” He assured me he would not.

serial-monogamist1I was nearly 30 and I was traumatized by former marriage. Dating randomly didn’t make me happy. I am a messed up serial monogamist. Being divorced, with no kids at nearly 30 and Latina… holy shit, I was doomed to be a pariah for sure.  So Green’s attention made me feel really special. Beautiful even.  I’ve never felt beautiful. With Green I found the adolescent youth I’d given away while married to my dominating ex husband Pat.

But Marie was never really gone.  She remained in our circle of friends. When she discovered I was dating Green she became a jealous hater. One night when we went out drinking I found her in a stall, drunk weeping on the floor about how NO ONE loved her.  She would not admit that she wanted to be with Green –  I think his youth bothered her.  Instead she became brooding and cold. Mutual friends turned on us. How could Green and I do that to Marie? I was surprised. She never wanted to be seen with him in public… but losing the potential-other-man who she used to get back at her husband to me was a betrayal? Odd. I’m telling you.. Green is attracted to crazy ass women.  Marie eventually left the place where we all worked and she went back to college for her a graduate degree. I was happy for her.  She seemed happy but distant.

Why am I writing this? I dont know…. I guess I am just thinking of about how I already knew that Green had a potential for infidelity.  Not cheating on his partner… but on being part of an affair.   Green wanted to be the Other Man in Marie’s marriage.  Why didn’t I see this a huge red flag?

We still see Marie fro time to time.  We invited her to our wedding.  She did not attend.  Marie finally divorced Jesse and is now remarried – happily I think.  Marie did not invite us to her wedding.  So over the years we’ve never met her new husband. He is never around when we see her. Just her and our friends. It’s weird.  She and Green act weird around each other.  During the 5 years that Green and I dated… I had moved to DC while he stayed behind in Los Angeles for 6 months. I had suspected that they had affair while I was gone.  I confronted him. Green denied it. He moved with me to the Bay Area later and as I said she eventually remarried.  But perhaps they did hook up and I just living with another set of lies and deception?

Should I have known? Is this all my fault?  In many ways Maria-the-Whore looks a lot like Marie. Both very short or if I cared to be polite, you’d call them petite. Dark hair/light skin and they both dress kind of trashy.  I guess that’s Green’s type? (I too have dark hair, light skin and hazel eyes but I am tall. And I have an excellent fashion sense!)  Maybe Green never loved me? Maybe I was just a replacement for the girl(s) who got away? Maybe I should have known this was going to happen, all along?

quote-oh-the-secret-life-of-man-and-woman-dreaming-how-much-better-we-would-be-than-we-are-if-we-were-zelda-fitzgerald-342613

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3 Responses to “Before Maria… there was Marie”

  1. Bee June 7, 2015 at 5:47 am #

    Funny you wrote this. I was just working on a post about how my relationships all mirror each other. The same patterns again and again. I’m more like Green than I care to admit.

    • Flaca June 7, 2015 at 6:55 pm #

      I agree – I think we all have patterns and paths that we are constantly drawn back into, over and over again.

      While my men don’t look like the same ‘type’ I do seem to like messed up guys with anger and mommy issues apparently!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 13th Anniversary | Kissing A Fool - July 21, 2015

    […] date with Green. He asked and bugged me a lot.  I didn’t really want to date him… as I said in another post, Green was kind of player at our office where we met and I didn’t want to be just another […]

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