I had many friends ask me why I didn’t seek out Maria to tell her off, confront her, let her know that she would not get away with this. Some wanted to find her and beat her to a pulp. One wanted to meet her mother and tell her that she should be ashamed of the home-wrecking-whore she raised for a daughter. That was tempting.
I am not gonna lie. I fantasized about it. I know where she lives, works, attends school, and who her friends are. Honestly, I really am just not interested in her. She is lame. Do I hate her? YES! Did I ever cyber stalk her? Yes. Only for a bit because it made me feel dumb. As I told one friend, “I don’t need to KNOW what she and Green are doing. They are fucking. I know they are so called ‘dating.’ He is married and they are having an affair. They aren’t reciting poems , they aren’t playing checkers or discussing national politics. If he’s not home with his wife then they are fucking. Why should I torture myself about trying to find out what they are doing every minute of everyday?” I choose NOT to address her because she already stole too much from me. I address humans not trash. Animals have more dignity than she does.
So I often refer to her as The Turd... she just lies there on the street and stinks. Waiting for another man to come by, step on her and then gets stuck with her stinky filth in their life.
Sometimes I get insecure and I ask Green to tell me mean things about her. Its stupid. I know. It’s immature. But reading the stupid texts and emails between them, many times disparaging me or professing their love for one another, hurt me deeply so this is my little exercise in revenge. I like to call it positive affirmations of me and realistic assessments of Maria-the-whore.
Last night I asked Green to play my little game of “positive affirmations” and they included the usual blah blah “I love you, please don’t leave me, I am nothing without you, you are the best thing that happened to me…” (Yeah right, so why did you cheat again?!) And then we got to the lets tell the truth about the whore part of the game, and Green said, “She’s a slut. I knew I could get her in bed easily. She paid for the hotels because I knew you would see the charges on the card! She’s a bad person who has a really messed up view of how to treat people.” I asked him what triggered that epiphany for him, he answered with “Well she was just really selfish. I noticed she did never did anything for anyone. She only took care of herself. She told me it was ok to be selfish and I realized that was wrong. I realized when she said messed up things about you that you were right. She didn’t know you but she just hated you anyway. She’s just mean and a bad person. She helped me feel ok about being a bad person. It felt good for awhile but then I realized it was wrong. Someone who loves you shouldn’t help you be a bad person. They should help you be a good person. ”
I asked Green how he felt about her now. Its nearly one year to last time that I believe they spoke. He said, “I hate her. I hate that I ever met her, I hate that I was with her and I hate what that did to us. She’s an evil person.”
I don’t know if its true but it made me feel a little bit better. I might have been immature and dumb but I sometimes I just need to hear Green hate her as much I hate her. So I am a bit conflicted. I will never forgive her and she’s such a horrible person I know she will never ask for it. I don’t like that I feel bad about little revenge techniques because they didn’t care about abusing me during their affair. I don’t like to even spend on second thinking about her. Writing this blog is more attention that The Turd deserves. I don’t like hating anyone the way I HATE Maria-the-whore. Does that make me the evil one?
Kissing A Fool 
No your not evil… not even close… your hurt and your angry, and have every right to seek just compensation from your husband, he owes you. This all is about what you need to feel secure again, as she helped shatter that. And the truth is, she did do something evil, as well as him.. But he is the one that is trying to give back your security, and has remorse. That says it all..
You are not the evil one! You have to remember, she gave you permission to hate her when she insinuated herself into your marriage. They both did. It just shows how complicated and multi-layered love is. She did what she did and you hate her. Period. He did what he did, actually owed you way more than she did, and you’re still with him. I am in the same boat, and am having a tough time getting over the hate for my husband. His whore made no vow with me – so I blame him more than her. I had DL call her on speaker and I asked if she had anything to say to me – she said no. Then I said “not even an apology?”. Again the soul-less bitch said no. That to me is less than human. I looked at hubby and said, “that’s the sort of person you blew up our marriage for? I am truly concerned about your intelligence.” She was just his “yes man”. She told him how wonderful he was. She was a mirror – he liked what he saw when he looked into her as a mirror. I also was a mirror for him. Except he saw the truth when he looked at me – and couldn’t stand what he saw in himself. Maria was just a mirror to Green. A piece of shit, whoring mirror, but a mirror nonetheless. Hate away!!
I don’t ever remember hating anyone before. I didn’t like people. But I never really hated someone until now. For a while I felt sorry for her. But that was misguided. She still wants my husband and has no problem being in his life. She still buys his lie that he is conflicted. She even told me she trusts him. She is a selfish fool who has no regard for anyone but herself. And I have thought about revenge. But that isn’t who I am. Lucky for them.
Definitely not evil. Just very hurt.
I don’t hate my husband’s AP. I pity her. She’s a small person who wasn’t happy with her life and still isn’t. Someone engaging in those kinds of behavior doesn’t love them self. And that, IMO, is the worse punishment anyone can have: self-loathing – even if they aren’t remorseful about the affair, somewhere deep inside, they hate themselves.
Yes, I agree.. No person that truly loved them self, would put themselves into a position that makes them look and feel like shit to all society. The novelty of stealing someone’s man and gaining self worth through it, is self destructive to say the least.
In the case were the husband leaves or is kicked to the curb as a result of an affair …These dumb whores don’t understand the old saying, “sometimes when you win you really lose”…
When your prize is a piece of shit, it can’t really be considered winning. http://dowehavetotellthekids.blogspot.com/2013/04/winning.html
I think hating is healthy. Hating means you cared and were betrayed. I’d be more concerned with someone who didn’t care. Like my husband who’s fine with walking out the door on a 15-year marriage and our two kids. Hating gets me through the day. And that shit about forgiveness. People who tell me that can go fuck themselves. I’ll get to a point where I don’t fantasize about killing him. When I get to that point, I’ll yell out, I’ve healed! It won’t be forgiveness though, it’ll just be the need to commit homicide has faded.
Feelings of homicide are normal I have read. I understand completely. And if it was not for laws. LOL what sucks the most is, it takes a person years to heal. It’s not that us wives are not beautiful people or that we are not worthily of love. It is that, we after the damage are not capable of loving another..At least three years to be able to love again.
Yes it could take years. That is daunting and sometimes makes me feel like giving up on the marriage.