Somedays, like today, when I get hit by waves of triggers or memories of the lies, humiliations, emotional and mental abuse that Green put me through because of his infidelity I just can’t help but be overcome by it all. The rage sometimes is just too much. I know I can’t act on it… that’s against the law! Sometimes I just wish I could be given one chance… one freebie… one moment to kick him squarely and full of force in his f’g nuts.
What tools do you use to get past the rage? What do you fantasize about?
So on June 23 – this week – was my 3 year anniversary of my DDay #2. The day I found out that Green was still lying to me (living with him mother) about the fact that he had not ended his affair with his whore Maria. On Saturday, June 23, 2012 the stupid psycho Maria-the-Whore came to my home at 5 am pounding on the door looking for Green. (I have as of yet to post the entirety of that drama filled episode because honestly it’s f’g exhausting…) but I have alluded to it here. I promise I will get around to detailing that episode… it’s just too good not to share. Cry Mistress Cry!!
Anyway… so this year the day came and I was already dreading it. It’s also the 90 day mark before my next birthday… when I turn 42. Really right now things with Green are ok, not great, but ok. On my good days I can focus less on the past and more on the day to day. We are in some ways connected as much as we were before the affair. With a new baby in the house we have more pressing distractions that his stupid affair and my triggers around it. So instead of his affair we talk about things like family outings with the kiddos. Fixing up our fixer-upper home. Planning a summer vacation because I deserve to sit my post pregnancy butt in the sand and drink a sweet drink on a beach somewhere!!
Today is Father’s Day. I am ashamed of my husband on Father’s Day.
Today the non-betrayed wives
everywhere in the US are talking, Facebooking and bragging about how wonderful their husbands are… Such perfect husband’s, loyal, patient, steady providers, such fine examples for their children…. Blah blah blah. Suck it Hallmark. I remember when I used to be proud of my husband too. I used to think Green was such a great dad to my daughters. I was so confident that my daughters would know how to pick good man to marry one day because I had picked such good man. Clearly my man picker is faulty – I truly worry for my girls now.