13th Anniversary

21 Jul

So 13 years ago today I went out on a first date with Green. He asked and bugged me a lot.  I didn’t really want to date him… as I said in another post, Green was kind of player at our office where we met and I didn’t want to be just another notch on the bedpost.

But Green persisted. For weeks! And I relented.  And Green planned an awfully romantic date.  At the beach. With a rose.  And a fancy restaurant with reservations.  Before our date he even asked to make sure I wore something fancy.  And when I broke the heel off my pumps walking on the boardwalk he made sure we retreated to the soft sand to walk instead.  It was amazing and sweet. No sex.  We held hands.  It was a nice traditional first date.

So today Green remembered that first date.  I did too but I ignored it. Lately things have been a bit tense… I’ll write about that soon – I’m still processing a lot of it and I can’t get to writing it down just yet.  So I made no plans for today. No card. No gift.

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Confusing Mrs. Camille Cosby

20 Jul

So the whole Bill Cosby story is cheater and an alleged rapist is all over the news.  Philander or rapist? Or both? Whatever – people love a fall from grace and Bill Cosby was a hero to many and this story is too juicy to go away.

bill and camille pressAnd, so of course, the focus by some in the stupid press is often on Bill Cosby’s beautiful long time wife, Camille.

As for most wives who suffer infidelity publically (Elizabeth Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Huma Abedin, Sandra Bullock, etc) I usually just pray for them and for their situation.  I’ve been too close to being them and it sucks being the wife who got cheated on. I can’t image having to endure the media inquiries and invasion of privacy that would go along with it.bill camille emmy

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Somedays I wish

3 Jul

Somedays, like today, when I get hit by waves of triggers or memories of the lies, humiliations, emotional and mental abuse that Green put me through because of his infidelity I just can’t help but be overcome by it all.  The rage sometimes is just too much.  I know I can’t act on it… that’s against the law!  Sometimes I just wish I could be given one chance… one freebie… one moment to kick him squarely and full of force in his f’g nuts.

woman kicking man in the nuts

What tools do you use to get past the rage? What do you fantasize about?

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