Bad Father of the Bride

19 Nov

fatherofthebrideThis weekend Green and I attended a wedding for his cousin, Tamara.  She is a  bit older than us but she never married.  She always complained that she would never have the wedding she dreamed of and once teased me for having been married twice… “Just what IS your secret???!”   She considered me lucky.  Hah!

Anyway, Tamara had three kids very young with person who I believe is bi-polar – Rudy.  Rudy led a very erratic life, was often unfaithful to her and left her often struggling to make ends meet and trying to keep her family together. Years ago she finally dumped Rudy and she resolved herself being a single mom never meeting a ‘nice guy.’

Well thanks to Facebook in comes Danny.  He is a former high school friend who, unbeknownst to her, had a huge crush on her in high school while she had been with her kids father.  Now Danny asked Tamara out.

Like a typical romantic-comedy film, which I normally cant stand, they fell in love, had a whirlwind romance, got romantically engaged and so now, FINALLY! Tamara was getting the wedding she had SO LONG dreamed of.

It was a sweet wedding. Her kids, now young adults and teenagers were very involved, and Danny is very good to them.   At long last Tamara and her kids are getting the family that they deserve.

Well about 9 months ago, somewhat shortly after Green and I reconciled it had been revealed that Tamara’s father, Eddie, had been having an affair (with two young women) and was now quite obviously cheating on Tamara’s step-mother, Besty.  Betsy is very accomplished in her field and is the bread winner but she never lorded it over Eddie.  Instead she indulged him while he decided to go back to school, not work, and find himself for five years.  Betsy and Eddie had been married for nearly 25 years and beside her Tamara’s own mother, Betsy, IS in every way a mother to Tamara, too, and certainly, is a loving grandmother to Tamara’s children.  She spoiled Tamara’s kids like they were her own grandchildren.

Well you can imagine how Tamara felt this was going to affect her wedding.  This was a day that she had dreamed of for so long.  Honorably she stood by Betsy and insisted that Betsy would participate in all of the wedding activities. In her opinon, Betsy was her mother and after-all, her step-sister Natalie, Betsy and Eddie’s daughter, was her bridesmaid.  Tamara is loyal and I LOVE HER for it.

So you would think that her cheating father might actually have some remorse and act like somewhat of a gentleman by being cordial to his humiliated wife?  You might think that he might just take a step back and not insist on too much of the limelight being on himself… given that he’s pretty much publicly humiliated his wife and his children, right?


At the wedding he ignored his soon to be ex, Betsy. Instead he boldly came up to me (his niece in law) and gave me a warm hug and a kiss.  At the time I was holding his infant grand-daughter who he completely IGNORED.  He is mad at her parents, his son and daughter in law, for NOT taking his side in the divorce.  I was mortified and I was frozen.  Luckily his wife, Betsy, just smiled at me and continued talking as if nothing or anyone had happened.  Betsy’s so diplomatic and gracious.  Me, prior to my anger management, I probably would have slugged him and pulled off his toupee, stupid cheating jerk.

When Tamara was given away, walked down the aisle, by her eldest son instead of him, her father Eddie loudly complained. “Why did they have me rent this suit if I wasn’t going to do ANYTHING in it?! What a waste of my money.”

When he saw that during the reception he would be seated at the parent’s table with his soon to be ex-wife he loudly protested.  Instead he crammed himself in at the table with Green and I.   Great! Seated with my own husband, triggers going… I was seated at the cheating table apparently.  Green just hung his head and tried to ignore Eddie. So did I.

Gross.  This jerk Eddie dumps his wife of 25 years, mother of his two kids, step-mother to his other two kids (he’s been married 3 times and apparently every marriage has ended in infidelity on his part!) and he has the nerve to complain that he’s not more prominent in the wedding?NarcissisticParentsTraits

And the best moment, when the toast came and Eddie was not invited to speak. Only the couples children we invited to speak and it was very sweet. I think Tamara, by not having any parents speak, found a good diplomatic way to solve that dilemma. Do you think her narcissistic father did? Nope.

Again he complained, “I gave her $500 for the bar.  You would think that would count for something. She’s my oldest child. My first daughter. I should be allowed to speak.”

My mouth fell open.  I was so pissed off that he was acting like such an ass.  Instead I told Green, “Let’s go dance before I clobber your uncle.”

Later on, Al, who is Green’s uncle and Eddie’s brother, but also separately a very good friend of mine, through mutual work and community relationships, told me that I should be happy.  Happy?  Watching a cheating, selfish, narcissistic jerk complain about a situation he created = HIS INFIDELITY?!

“At least he didn’t bring one of his trophy girlfriends,” Al said lowly and shrugged with a grimace. “I’ve met them. You wives would eat them alive.”

He’s probably right.

God bless Betsy.


6 Responses to “Bad Father of the Bride”

  1. Paula November 19, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

    Mmm, amazing how these jerks carry on. A complete narcissist, who never grew up, dick. Glad his daughter managed to have a good day, wishing her all the best for a long and happy marriage to “one of the good guys.” Interesting that someone can live so many years on the planet, and not learn one thing about decency, and humility. Must have been very tempting for Tamara to have asked him to stay away for the day. You did enormously well to keep from punching his smug, self-satisfied, face in, Flaca. Just what you don’t need, weddings are painful enough for me (and I never married, but the “hope” symbolised by a wedding whispers pretty nastily in the ear of the cynic that resides within these days, and yet every time I wish upon wish that THIS couple don’t have this agony to deal with, THIS time, it might just work out for someone.) That said, I do know how much I have developed as a person these past four and a half years, but I just wonder if I would have anyway, with kids growing up, and more of my focus falling back onto me, what I want, who I want to be when I grow up, lol. Great post.

    • Flaca November 19, 2013 at 4:37 pm #

      weddings are difficult for me too.
      this was the first one i went to where i didn’t have a bit of a crying bit.
      i too wish them the best. NO ONE should have to suffer infidelity in a relationship – married or not.

  2. leaveitonthepage November 19, 2013 at 4:17 pm #

    And I am terrified I’ll end up like Betsy. Years of my life spent devoted, faithful, giving and only to end up alone when nearing the end of my life. Betsy sounds like one classy lady but as we all know too well she is likely putting on a brave face. I have so much fear that at the end of my life all I’ll have is one regret after another. Will I regret staying with my husband? I already regret marrying him, if I could take it back I would, in a heart beat.

    • Flaca November 19, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

      yeah, Besty is a class act.
      i too wonder if i’ll end up like her.

      had he cheated on her before? did she know he was unfaithful in his prior marriages? that i don’t know.
      i wonder, a lot, if i’m setting myself up as well for another episode of the “cheating game” and if i’ll finally just walk away.

      as for now, in my case, green is a much better person now. like the man i married. we can only move forward and hope that we’ll endure this.

      best wishes to you.

  3. tryinghard November 19, 2013 at 5:01 pm #

    My H is the son of a narcissistic mother. Oh boy could I tell you some stories, so along with reading all these books about infidelity and male mid life crisis, I am reading books about how to deal with narcissistic parents! OY vey, who’d a thunk???? What I have learned is you do not respond, so Flaca dear, you handled the horrible situation perfectly. Wish me luck, they are coming over for thanksgiving dinner to my house. OY, where’s the wine:)


  1. Shadows and Shame | Kissing A Fool - November 21, 2013

    […] In my last post I wrote about Betsy, Green’s aunt (through marriage) who is going through a divorce due to her husband’s infidelities. Unlike a lot of other cheating husbands, Eddie, Green’s oldest uncle is a cold hearted jerk.  He is unrepentant, is arrogant, has a million excuses about why he chose to cheat on his wife instead of dealing with his issues. […]

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