His Anchor

24 Sep

amelia tiffany box 09-2013So I survived turning 40! Hooray!  Green was at his best being accommodating and patient.   I did manage to sneak in a deep tissue massage and we went out for Chinese noodles for dinner (required for a long life! I’m told), strawberry filled doughnuts (I don’t like cake), cards sweetly drawn by Ditto and Dot and a simple, thoughtful gift from Green.  Held here by my youngest daughter, Dot, who was in love with the wrapping and pretty blue Tiffany box that I eagerly anticipated opening.

Inside was this pretty Tiffany Twist anchor charm and bracelet.  I love it – simple and meaningful.  You see for us it follows a theme – earlier in the summer for our anniversary he’d given me a fancy beach themed tote that had anchor detailing on it as tiffany charm bracelet anchorwell.   More than that we both have an affinity for pirates and boats since he’d been the editor for his Maritime Journal in Law School during the time we lived in the San Francisco Bay Area – broke but deeply in love.   It was nice to know that he’d remembered those simple sweet days that seem so long ago sometimes.   With both gifts he’d said that to him the anchor symbolized how much I had done to keep our family together when he had failed us.  How strong I have been to anchor him towards helping him heal and becoming the good person he was before.

In the card Green gave me for my birthday he wrote,

“I love you.  Today and everyday and I want to make sure you understand and know that.  

I am giving you an anchor. 

It has been viewed by many as a symbol of new beginnings.  When a ship sets sail it draws in its anchor and shows to the world that it is setting off for a new voyage.

I want to begin a new voyage with you.  

As long as you and I are together, with our family, we have all we need to have an amazing adventure.

Love, Green”

So how do I feel. Well I do feel loved. Just yesterday I posted about finding love outside of our romantic expectations… and here I am posting about feeling good about finding it in Green. Well I guess that’s the nature of love, right?  We are emotional creatures and we seek love where we can find it – sometimes in healthy or unhealthy ways.   Yesterday I received a tremendous outpouring of affection and generosity.   It felt good.  But of course in the way my marriage has played out I was looking with a certain level of expectation toward what Green would do.  Of course I would – he’s my unfaithful husband who at one time used my age (whether it mattered or not) as a hateful bomb that he lobbed at me to justify his stupid cheating.   Its probably not that healthy of me but he met my needs and that’s what mattered.

I know Green is trying.  I am trying to accept his attempts at saving ‘us.’  Could he do more? Yes, of  course.  Is it unfair to make me be the anchor? The strong one who keeps it together? Yes and No.  Yes because it is unfair and sexist.  But no, its not unfair, because I would inevitably choose it and I wouldn’t have it any other way – it is in my nature to fix things, to mother and to keep things moving forward.

One final thought, I don’t know if I have shared this with you yet but I don’t know how to swim.   Never learned how to swim.  Yeah, I grew up in a pretty rural desert area and we were very poor – no fancy swimming pools around.  Yes, its on my bucket list of things to do before I die.  But I wondered- What does it say about me as an anchor who can’t swim? Is that why I am the anchor because I can’t swim away?


3 Responses to “His Anchor”

  1. leaveitonthepage September 24, 2013 at 8:37 pm #

    Happy Birthday!!! I’m glad it turned out to be a good one.
    My H and I also love anchors. He got my name tattooed on his arm over a large anchor. He says I keep him anchored in love. Sweet yes but it’s too bad it had to come on the heals of infidelity.

    Life is such a strange journey.

    • Flaca September 24, 2013 at 9:41 pm #

      Aww, thanks. That’s a very sweet coincidence! Green had mentioned that he’d be getting an anchor tattoo as well! You’re right it’s a sweet thought after such a very strange journey. Glad to hear from you.

  2. shawnthewife September 27, 2013 at 9:49 am #

    Happy Birthday, my friend!! 40 is a great place for a fresh start. When you get to 50…we’ll talk! Menopause is a bitch..and so am I! LOL! Hugs!

Leave a Reply.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Chicken Daily

just a chick in her daily life

Happily. Ever? ..After

Rising above all the bullshit after my husbands infidelity

Life. Post. Affair.

Life and marriage after my husband's affair

He Never Said He Loved Her

A great WordPress.com site

Fighterandsurvivor's Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

Will you hold my hand

married sex addict in recovery

try not to cry on my rainbow

Married to a sex addict. Rebuilding a relationship. The recovery journey.

Renewing a Right Spirit

DJ's Journey to Living Well Again


Exploring Marriage Post-Adultery

Shattered By My Husband's Affair

Picking Up The Pieces, One Shard at a Time

betrayedin2012's Blog

Ten years is the new Forever

4 little Fergusons

Faith, Family, Food, Photos & Fun

Leadership Freak

Empowering Leaders 300 Words at a Time

Marriage Gems

Research-based marriage tips and insights

Karma's Payment Plan

Life's funny that way

That Was Then

Live Relaxed

Found This Painted That

Decorating Solutions for the Dollar Challenged

Lifewithoutinstructions's Blog

living well despite a lack of written instructions


celebrating change

Leave it on the page

A blog about everything

yes this really did happen

affairs, betrayal, divorce, adultery, letter to other woman, letter to adulteress

move beyond the affair

Hope for Healing and Happiness

I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You

Trying to Make Sense of the Divorce

Being a Beautiful Mess

Dealing with the mess of life, love, betrayal, divorce, and dating

The Girl Next Door

The cynic who still wants the fairytale? This aint gonna have a happy ending.


Sex, Love & Relationships in Australia


life in all its messy, unedited, brutally honest reality...


...nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

unloving you

it's time

Our Journey After His Affair

the reality of it all

If there is any magic in this world...

The world can be amazing when you are slightly … strange!

Quotes from an Emotional Cheater

Remembering it all, one bullsh*t line at a time

Inspirational Quotes | Motivational Blog | Images | Pictures

Quotes For Kids | Success Quotes | Bob Marley Quotes

Affair Survival Guide

For those thinking about, having, trying to end, or suffering withdrawal from an affair

Bored Nicole

An uninspired housewife's quest for something...more.

Funny Thing Happened on the Way Here

We really are our own worst enemy


Every day is a new day!


I still love her, that's enough for me

Comfortably Numb

Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl

A blogger in turmoil

How do you get over an affair?!

Mind Blown's Blog

Affair Recovery - Journey to Staying Married


Just another WordPress.com site

Is this really my marriage?

A way to express myself about the ups and downs of trying to heal my marriage after my husband's affair.

%d bloggers like this: