So let me start off by saying Green did not forget my birthday. Yay! In fact he’s being kind of spazzy annoying about it… making sure I feel loved and all that other stuff. It’s nice and I am trying to not be an ungrateful bitch about the whole thing (because all I think is that is that his whore is 25… FML).
Anyway, yes, It’s a significant birthday to be sure… whoo hoo I’m 40! I know I am supposed to be doing something awesome but well there’s just no time today with kiddos, work and… life. Anyway, well there are plans for the weekend to go dancing – that something to look forward towards. We actually had a good weekend… a la Mothers Day I was treated to a pre-birthday Margarita at Disneyland by Green and the kiddos. That was nice.
Still I was feeling kind of grouchy last night about the whole thing… the affair, I can’t believe my husband is a dirtbag whore, I can’t believe I stayed married to a cheating whore, worse.. I can’t believe I’m 40 and married to a lying cheating whore.. the usual post-infidelity pity party. It next took me to mouthing off to Green about his poor choices, ordering him to pick up spicy tofu for dinner as I made him watch me eat and call him fat. Nice! As the mind movies of him and his whore set in…. I took to reading on my phone and watching Dexter’s final episode because screwed up serial killers make me feel better about my own life. In the middle of it all I stumbled on article about the meaning of feeling loved on your birthday entitled, WHAT MY BOYFRIEND FORGETTING MY BIRTHDAY TAUGHT ME ABOUT LOVE! (Don’t get turned off about the title’s enthusiasm, its not all puppies and unicorns, and I found the article to be quite useful so I thought I would share it.)
Again, Green did not forget my birthday but I found it relevant because what Green did by cheating on me was forgetting to show me love. Show me friendship. Show me decency and compassion. That’s the part of his actions that hurt me the most. Or least it was my perception of it. Yes he was an asshole but it did not invalidate me as a person who is loved and can be loved. In reading the article I realized that I don’t need Green to show me ANY of those things to be a person who is worthy of love. Love is not bound by the limits of my marriage. I have for very long felt defined by that and certainly his actions of cheating me made me feel very unloved. But I guess I never realized that with or without Green I am loved. That I am lovable. Whether its my wiggling kids, furry dogs, my emotion shy mother and father… my true friends who quietly listen and let me rage and then goof on me.. I am loved.
This part of the article, at the end, helped me feel most grounded. I found it an interesting proposition to help me re-frame my attitude, at least for the day.
When we focus on getting love from one special person, we will suffer. When we focus instead on giving love and being open to receiving love in all its forms, love is what we will feel.
Are you suffering right now because you think you don’t have love from one special person in your life?
If so, I invite you to try out an exercise I recommend to my clients called “looking for evidence of love.”
Instead of focusing on the love that you think is missing right now, start focusing on all of the ways you are already loved right now.
Maybe it’s your mom, your friends, your kids, your coworkers, the sunshine warming your shoulders, or even the guy at Starbucks giving you a free latte.
For one day, focus on all of the ways you are receiving love from so many different sources.
The day after, focus on GIVING as much love as you possibly can.
Your world will change. All with a simple shift of perception.
Thank you friends, readers… for listening to me… for reading and letting purge the anger and hurt that Green’s infidelity cause me to feel. Your presence and support is such a gift to me! As I close down the hours on my birthday I am grateful to you for your friendship, your comments and your stories… you’re support has been critical to my healing and I love you for it. I wish YOU nothing but the best today and everyday.