Dreading Date Night

12 Apr

It seems like the only time I can be around Green without making a bitchy comment about the Gremlin-whore is when the kiddos are around. They are my filter… my editor telling me to keep my mouth shut.

Tonight we are supposed to go out and celebrate my comadre’s birthday. No kids allowed.  She married my husbands very good friend and as such we chose her and her husband to baptize Dot. That happened about 4 months before Green cheated.  Lets call her Dee.   She’s young, pretty and just glows with her good nature, innocence and spirit.  Unfortunately she’s about the same age as Maria/Gremlin/whore.  The place she picked for her birthday dinner is in the community where the Gremlin attends university.  A swanky, dark, romantic bar and restaurant with a dj and dancing.  Just the kind of place I imagine Green ‘dated’ his whore.  Ugh.  Unfortunately, Dee actually reminds me a lot of Maria, not in a bad way, but more with their shared youthfulness, fresh from college and the promise of where they might be 15 years from now.

adele cold shoulderWhen I threw Green out Dee and her husband were there for me in way that surprised me. They helped me pack a few of his things up, she suggested I get the Adele album, and they generally just checked in over those months when Green was away to make sure I was ok.  Alive.  Very sweet.  I know she was shocked and bless their hearts, they tried to be supportive but I think they were scared to get too involved. Like lots of people around us…. afraid that they might catch the ‘cheating cooties.’   And I withdrew – some misunderstood, they took it that I pushed them away,  it wasn’t that – I just had to focus on me. I just HAD to survive.  Alone.  Now nearly a year later I am trying find the new normal.  Last year she had a birthday party and didn’t invite me.  I was kind of hurt.  But I figured since Green wasn’t invited I wasn’t either.  They didn’t pick sides.  They just didn’t pick anyone.  That’s fine.  I took Green back.  So in that way, I took them back too.

But going to her celebration tonight is turning out to be such drama.  Already have fought with Green about it twice.  He tried to be sweet and make it fun. I am just not looking forward to it and have nothing but triggers.  I told him I am nervous. I feel like I am being fake in front of his friends. His friends who HE talked so much SHIT about ME with when he was trying to convince them I was terrible and set them up for when he would run off and abandon me.  They used to admire him SO much.  Now I feel like they think we are living a lie.  They feel sorry for us.  Oh look at them, “They are stuck in a horrible marriage ‘for the kids.’ I don’t know how she does it… I know I would never take that shit…” 

And what about Green? How do I get back to normal with HIM?  We can’t always keep the kids around to make sure I stay civil.  Will my ever charming Green try to pull out my chair, caress my back and order me drink just like the old days?  Or will I think about the fact that he did the same for her?  Will we have witty banter and laugh like the last year never happened?  Will our other ‘friends’ just watch us to see how we act?  It’s a lot of f’g pressure. I am not sure I am up to it.  As if to give me more pressure my MIL Rita is babysitting the kiddos tonight. Great. She’s f’g annoying too.  I am sure she’ll have something stupid and passive aggressive to say about how wonderful SHE is to watch the kids while we go out and have a DATE NIGHT… oh dont forget, she’ll say and wink, she wants another grandchild.

FML.  Do I have to shave my legs for this shit? Is Green going to expect sex? Damn, I will need something stronger than a margarita for sure.

Ok, wait. Breathe god damn-it.  Let’s focus on what is important.  The outfit.  I should put on a smoking hot dress.  Or skinny jeans?  Either one with killer heels. In heels I amWoman with high heels nearly 6 ft’ tall.  That’ll get their attention.  I think I will go with the dress. Something that highlights my tiny waist, small but perky boobs and my long lean legs.  I should remind Green of what he fucking missed.  For a blow job from a Gremlin.  Idiot.  Perhaps the Gremlin whore will show up… and then I could stomp on her. 

Ok, I feel better.  So I’m gonna get dressed friends.  Wish me luck.  I intend to quiet these triggers. They take too much energy. That’s energy best spent on having fun.   I want to focus on laughing, good food and if all goes well some hysterical bonding.

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4 Responses to “Dreading Date Night”

  1. Still Loving Him April 13, 2013 at 6:07 am #

    Girl I hope you looked hot tonight. You sound like a bombshell!

    We don’t hang out with any of the people we were friends with before D-day. Too many of the guys were involved in bad stuff just like my husband was and their wives seemed sure their husbands were going to catch the infidelity bug. Problem was their husbands were in it before mine was.. Whatever… I’ll make new friends.

    I hope you were able to enjoy yourself tonight and got some hysterical bonding to boot.

    • Flaca April 15, 2013 at 8:44 pm #

      thanks SLH, it was ok. the get together ended early but Green tried hard to keep the night fun. no hysterical bonding, i just couldn’t manage it, but i did look cute! 😉

  2. Comfortably Numb April 13, 2013 at 6:18 pm #

    Go you!! 🙂

    • Flaca April 15, 2013 at 8:45 pm #

      thanks! i think i need to keep working on the fact that none of this is my fault… not my age, not our finances, not my looks… it was HIM. it was HER. and i’m the one picking up the pieces.

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