In the News

13 Apr

Scene- DIY project Sunday. This weekend its replacing ugly mirrored closet doors in our bedrooms. Pushing them out of the house – it takes us both to move them. They are massively tall and weigh about 200 lbs each.  Kiddos- Ditto and Dot are playing ‘house’ in sunroom.  Huey Lewis & the News’ ‘If this is it’ is on the radio.

Flaca-  Sometimes I think we should give in and get divorced and end it all like Huey Lewis says. Are we happy or just avoiding fights?

Green-  No. Come on.. What does he say?

Flaca- singing, badly, ” If this is it, I want to know…. If this ain’t love, baby, Just say so… You’ve been thinking,  And I’ve been drinking, We both know that it’s, Just not right….”

Green, interrupts, –  Oh hell no, come on. No. No one listens to Huey. What does he know? Everyone knows that you listen to the News. You never listen to Huey.

And so we exist.  Moving on or moving past? Or just moving so we don’t have to stop and suffer the silence?

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20 Responses to “In the News”

  1. Amanda April 14, 2014 at 8:32 am #

    That is hilarious !! Sometimes there are funny moments. In those moments we realize it could be worth stickin’ around!!

    • Flaca April 14, 2014 at 11:43 am #

      It’s funny, right? The conversations we have now? At least I thought it was funny and for now we use sarcasm to bridge the gap in communication. It seems that now all that’s left is the humor in the whole ridiculous shit show this has been!

      So good to hear from you! Hope all is well!

    • bamboozled1 April 14, 2014 at 2:56 pm #

      yes! you need to call and request happy to be stuck with you!
      i always thought some of those songs were wasted on hueys vocals heh. i dont even know why i know the words to them!

      greens funny, i like his response :D youre funny as hell too flaca, you guys work!

      • Flaca April 14, 2014 at 6:37 pm #

        thanks. sometimes it seems like there is just too much pain and resentment to keep going. and then the dumb jerk makes me laugh.

        good call, “Happy to be stuck with you” is a better song. LOL.

  2. horsesrcumin April 14, 2014 at 5:51 pm #

    What bamboozled1 said! Green is hilarious, like yourself. However, we had that conversation this morning. We are done. Selling up. Youngest will be last one at home at the end of this year, I can do one by myself. Don’t know where, but that will be sorted in the fullness of time, I guess.

    We worked, too, bloody brilliantly, and sometimes we still work, he begs me to remember that, that we are the only ones who get each other, we read each others’ minds, laugh at the same dumb shit. But I can’t seem to shrug off the pain. And I don’t want to do this anymore. Fuck.

    • Flaca April 14, 2014 at 6:51 pm #

      I am so sorry to hear that. It’s hard and its exhausting.

      You know I feel so tired of it too. I feel like at 2.5 years that its come to that point for us too. I remember reading that at 2 years I would feel better. I do feel better but I’m definitely not happy. Lots of reminders and triggers still remain. But you’re right… when it all seemed to be so easy – the jokes, the mind reading, the connection – and then have it thrown away so easily… how can they expect us to to just ‘go back’ to how we were. My Green tells me that all the time, “I wish we were like we used to be….” How could he be so blind? Fuck indeed.

      Best wishes to you in whatever path you take. I send you wishes for strength.

      • rysmom May 12, 2014 at 9:55 am #

        How are you Flaca? I commented on your posts a few months ago and appreciated your kind words. I also love how you keep it real on this site without sugar coating.
        My D day was 6/20/14 and this season (Mother’s day, my birthday) has been full of triggers. We have 2 little ones like you just to complicate matters. He’s been contrite but sometimes the pain and sadness feel like too much to get past. Hoping it will get better but not sure how much I can expect we can truly expect to “recover” after betrayal. Thinking of you, xoxo

  3. brokengl4ss June 4, 2014 at 4:19 am #

    Just reading your words helps one lonely saddo – meeeeeee!

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 2:47 pm #

      Thanks for stopping – this shitty club we belong to sucks. I offer my story to share some of the BS and stupidity of it all. Honestly readers like you and other bloggers make me feel less alone & comforted. I hope I’ve offered the same.

  4. A Superglued Heart July 3, 2014 at 10:17 pm #

    If we’re not laughing we’re crying, right? I’m at 20 months and feel exactly like this. Things aren’t horrible, but I’m filling his old space in my heart with other things and people and I’m ok. I’m not attracted to him. I still hate the whore and think of her often. Triggers are still all around. I hoped that by now it would be a distant memory and that we’d be permanently in that high place we were in when the highs and lows were crazy intense. But instead I resent him. I don’t want another woman raising my kids which is why I don’t leave. I know he’d be an ass hole ex and I’d still have to face him daily because of the kids. So this is the less shitty of two shitty options. And I can’t seem to embrace the “choosing to be happy with him” bullshit. I shouldn’t have to choose. It shouldn’t be a mental exercise for me to be happy in my marriage.

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 2:54 pm #

      I hear you. This is a constant with me & its exhausting. One minute I loathe him, the next I’m apathetic and think ‘meh whatever,’ and then the next I’m just focused on making my kids happy. Finding out I was pregnant over the summer was very odd… I’m very rarely interested in being intimate with him and we rarely are. He thinks it will make us closer. Who knows….

      In the meantime I wish you the best in surviving this shit show. It’s bullshit. But I know the feeling – so don’t feel alone. Big hugs from someone who knows.

  5. Patti July 17, 2014 at 1:53 pm #

    Miss reading your blog – hope all is well!!!

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm #

      thank you! i had a crazy busy summer with work and my family. i also just wanted to see if time away from the blog helped… it did and it didn’t. i dont have time for counseling and this is the closest i can come to sharing my experiences and venting a bit. i’m going to try to be more active in posting. my best wishes to you.

  6. scabs August 12, 2014 at 12:08 am #

    i get this

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm #

      thanks! your blog was a place of solace for me.. it means a lot to hear from you!

  7. amanda September 7, 2014 at 1:32 pm #

    how are you, flaca? just checking in. hope all is well. you haven’t posted in a while.

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 2:35 pm #

      Sorry lady! Yeah I have been just busy with work, summer vacations with the kiddos and Green, and day to day recover of this hot mess we call a marriage after infidelity. Some days are good some are bad. I have another troll – yay! Something to celebrate! How are you????

  8. justcallmebitchyouwillanyway September 21, 2014 at 1:01 am #

    Flaca, I apologize for being so blunt, but i can tell you exactly why you’re still so unhappy. It’s because you lack the courage, confidence, and self-esteem to walk away from a man who showed total disregard for your feelings. You women think you’re doing something noble by staying with men who have proven they don’t love you enough to be faithful. Most men who get caught cheating say they want to stay married only because a divorce would financially ruin them; of course they can’t tell YOU that, or you’d leave them, so it’s always “oh but wifey I didn’t mean it, forgive me!” And yes, I do know what I’m talking about; I only sleep with married men, and they tell me all kinds of things they can’t tell their wives.
    Your forgiveness is not really forgiveness, it’s false martyrdom that you have chosen due to your own low self-esteem and fear of independence. You’ll never be happy until you love yourself enough to come down off your cross and realize that being alone is better than being with men who betray you and break your hearts so casually.
    Women who lack self-love can never be happy;they just waste their lives crying and looking for crosses to nail themselves to. Right now all you women are just using your shitty husbands as this year’s cross.
    I have no doubt the owner of this misery-porn blog will not post this comment; at least I tried to tell you the truth. Pearls before swine… anyone who refuses to leave a bad relationship deserves all the misery they get, and then some. But, for someone with a martyr-complex, misery is big fun, so you all must be enjoying yourselves immensely; pardon the fuck out of me for raining on your pity-parade, l’ll just let you get back to it.

    • Flaca October 15, 2014 at 2:33 pm #

      Thanks for your comment.

      I don’t want to presume but I wonder if you’ve ever been married? Nope its not a martyr situation. I am too busy for that. I am formerly divorced that doens’t scare me. I am very well paid and have a great job. I don’t need his money. But I do love my kids and I love my family. I believe in redemption and I believe in learning from my mistakes.

      My best to you. I hope your life remains perfect so that you can always be free to judge everyone and everything.

      • amanda greenberg October 18, 2014 at 7:00 am #

        love this reply, flaca– “I hope your life remains perfect so that you can always be free to judge everyone and everything”. you remain very poised and dignified–explains your success in politics! i can’t help but wonder if that “person” is even real, well, because of this–and i quote from her comment above…”And yes, I do know what I’m talking about; I only sleep with married men, and they tell me all kinds of things they can’t tell their wives.”
        if she is a real person, clawing her eyeballs out would feel real good! thankfully, i’m in a good place now. and indeed, a woman who only sleeps with married men is an EXCELLENT judge of character whose opinion demands the utmost respect!
        congrats on the baby, flaca! all the best to you and the girls and, yes, green. the triggers may or may not go away–but certainly they will get better. i left ricky bobby 7 months ago–and i also shut down the site–so i’ve no more triggers, happy to say! a new chapter that i’d never thought would be written.
        so nice to see you back on here. even though i no longer write on website, i always check on my ladies!

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