Green and I are heading to yet another wedding tonight.
This wedding is a bit weird. It’s for Green’s pseudo-step-father (the man who raised him) Granpa Rico. Rico is marrying a woman he dated behind Green’s mother, Rita’s back. It’s not cheating. Rita and Rico had not been living together, affectionate or intimate in over 10 years. They were very active though in co-parenting Greens sister, Maggie, so Rita my (annoying) mother in law took it kind of hard. I think she thought he would never get over her or find anyone to replace her. In reality, they treated each other like cranky friends. It was very awkward. I’m telling you these families of Green’s are beyond dysfunctional!
I am actually happy Rico is getting married. He was so unhappy with Rita, and while I don’t know Silvia, I do know that everyone needs love – even grumpy Grandpa Rico! So tonight Green and I will dance, toast and wish them well.
It’s raining today and its seems to me so many people pray that it won’t rain on their wedding day. As if the pictures and outfits staying clean are the most important things. As I get older I realized that rain is necessary. Rain is good. Rain cleans things away right? Well later on, I would learn from friends that in many cultures rain is considered good luck on wedding days, because
“For one, it brings moisture to dry areas, which can create life and help plants grow and animals hydrate. Rain and water are essential to life on earth.
Further, rain is often considered a symbol of fertility. Water helps things grow. A couple may hope that one day their marriage will be blessed with children.
Rain is also is symbolic of a new start. The water can cleanse the earth and help wash away past debris. A marriage is a new start for a couple. If it rains on your wedding day, consider yourself blessed with a clean slate.”
My best friend Araceli had buckets of pouring rain on her wedding day in February over 15 years ago. It was freezing cold and she got married at an equestrian center so I remember those of us in the bridal party leaping over puddles of mud and muck. We, unmarried, young and clueless were full of ideas about wedding and marriages, foolishly, we thought that it was a terrible wedding day.
Well they have been married the longest of any of my friends. No divorce. No separation. Sure it hasn’t all been fairy-tales and puppy dogs all the time. They struggle to make ends meet but they enjoy their work – teaching. She’s terrible at cooking or keeping a home and he’s a rotten yard keeper but they have two great kids. They are very good friends to each other. Yes, at times they have gotten on each others nerves- Araceli is no saint and her husband Nick can be suffocating. But NOW these many years later… with me being married twice… it seems to me that the rain was actually a good luck theme for them. Perhaps it really did wash away the bad luck? Who knows.
All I know is that Nick and Araceli are one of the few of our friends who stuck with us through this hell of infidelity. Araceli let me rage and cry. Nick listened and never judged or ignored Green. When I made my decision to reconcile Araceli wished me well and said she would not judge me at all. Her mother cried and said that while I didn’t deserve this that she was proud of me for trying to work it out.
So today with Grandpa Rico marries our new Granny Silvia I will wish them well, too. I know my MIL Rita wont like it but its not her call. Just because she is unhappy doesn’t mean that she gets to keep making Rico feel bad too. Maybe this marriage will finally make cranky Grandpa Rico less grumpy. Everyone deserves to be loved. Frankly, and this is me being bad, but I think perhaps this is a bit of karmic balance for Rita taking Green’s side in his infidelity against me. Karma… I love you!
Tonight I will try my best to push out the bad thoughts and welcome in the new memories. I WILL dance tonight. I’m also gonna wear a hot body-con blue dress that I am very excited to debut tonight for Green.
Green and I have been together a dozen years. Our wedding day was glorious. Mild weather in the middle of August kind of an odd blessing in Southern California. Looking back we had it easy… maybe that was a sign of the peril that lay ahead?
A few years later we would have one really terrible year.
As one old woman at church told me once, “Why let her have him with all the good you had? Why let IT be ruined by what he did? You have many good years still if you can both get past this.“
Will I let it ALL go for one terrible year?
So far I think we can get past it but its not gonna be easy. Frankly it hasn’t been easy. It wont all be dances, weddings and cake. But there is the promise of more dances and I think that is what gets me through. We have a lot more dances ahead of us, I think. So for now… I’m gonna step into that rain and dance.