Selfish Strength

10 Nov

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I think one of the most profound lessons I found on dealing with marital infidelity was how my husbands selfishness revealed just how much I had lost myself in our marriage. In the early stages of his unfaithfulness and when I threw him out I could not envision a future with him. I saw my family destroyed and I saw myself lost.

I look back now and don’t feel those waves of loss anymore. Instead I look at the time we spent separated and how much I learned to trust myself again. I saw how strong I revealed myself to be to my kids, my family, my friends and most importantly to my very selfish and unfaithful spouse. Sure he could choose to destroy his family and he could be successful in breaking my heart but he would not win at breaking me, not completely.Today is a quiet Sunday. Kiddos gone to visit grandma for the long holiday weekend.

I’m nervous about the upcoming holiday season that will be full of triggers for me. So to prepare and as a pick me up, I’ll spend tomorrow catching up on being good to myself. I can be selfish too. I’m gonna treat myself to a mini spa day. After-all if this little birdie is gonna be strong I have to make sure to keep myself in top shape! I hope you treat yourself too!

Have a restful holiday tomorrow, friends!

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12 Responses to “Selfish Strength”

  1. jolene November 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm #

    Sounds like a great idea!!!!

  2. tryinghard November 10, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

    As much as we try to believe we are weak we know damn good and well we aren’t. I love this post Flaca. I will go to hell before I let anything as tacky as his choices break me ever again. You go girl and get that spa day. You deserve it. I had one two days ago. Paid $200 for a pedi/mani and couldn’t wait to tell him:). Hahahaha…

  3. Found This Painted That November 11, 2013 at 8:34 am #

    Well thanks for following – I hope I bring some happy silliness to you through this blog. Move your furniture around – it’s therapeutic! You are going to be okay!

    • Flaca November 11, 2013 at 2:56 pm #

      Indeed. I might have a troubled marriage but that doesn’t mean I can’t look around for inspiration on well decorated home! Your blog is very cute & I enjoyed browsing through it!

  4. leaveitonthepage November 11, 2013 at 8:09 pm #

    Ah.. the holidays, they are full of triggers for me too. My husband told me the day after Thanksgiving 2011. It WAS my favorite holiday, now I just kind of float through. Last year I lost my shit on black Friday, because for me it truly is black Friday now and forever. I’ve never been one of those types that goes shopping on the day after Thanksgiving but I think this year that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I know I need to be away from him that day, just so I can maintain my own sanity.

    I just hate triggers, they seem/are so flipping unfair. So much suffering happens with the triggers.

    Your mini-spa day sounds lovely.

    • Flaca November 14, 2013 at 11:27 pm #

      Yeah, find a way to take back the holidays!

      Start a new tradition.

      My family and I are running a 5k that weekend and we are taking our kids on a mini-vacation to the mountains. I know I will have some triggers but I can only get rid of them with new memories. I have lost too much time to the old ones.

  5. kali4ever November 13, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

    Hi there! I’ve nominated you for the Liebster Award! You can go here to see it: http://livingwithallmymight.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=606&action=edit.

    Thanks for writing – you make a difference!

    • Flaca November 14, 2013 at 11:27 pm #

      Fancy! Thank you!

  6. infinitymadness2 November 22, 2013 at 5:48 am #

    I’m feeling the same way when I think about these upcoming holidays. Your positive attitude and strength are inspiring!

    • Flaca November 22, 2013 at 9:46 am #

      the holidays are difficult. mine two years ago are when my Dday happened. genuine loving family times turned into maddening torture. i hope this year to move beyond those painful memories. its about looking forward and not letting the past hold on. it’s hard but it gets easier with time… new “better” memories erase the old “painful” ones.

      • infinitymadness2 November 22, 2013 at 9:56 am #

        Wow…it’s funny, I have been going through this for 5 months and find myself very sad about the fact that it has been THIS long and I find myself (sometimes) slipping backwards and feeling what I felt when it all first happened. :( I hoped that when I hit the 6 month mark, I’d be over it, moved on, better, not better but great. I feel I am sooooo far from that!
        Did you divorce?

      • Flaca November 22, 2013 at 10:33 am #

        Its odd… it feels like its been forever and it feels like it was yesterday.

        No we didn’t divorce. I met with several attorneys and I retained one. Her advice to me was, “Don’t do anything fast. You are making good money and he’s agreed to the child support. He isn’t taking money or threatening you. I would advise making NO changes right now. Just focus on the kids and on you. In six months lets meet and Take six months to assess and come back to me if divorce is the only answer. Right now you are emotional and angry. That’s not a good place to make a decision from.”

        For me that was good advice. Six months after throwing him out we were reconciling. Don’t get me wrong those 6 months were tough – we had our 2nd Dday, I got arrested… ugh. Being seperated for sometime helped. He needed to see from the outside just how f’d up he had become. He needed to see that the OW was trash. I didn’t do that – she did that to herself. In those 6 months honestly we talked almost everyday but we lived apart. But we worked through it. He has a shit load of work to do for us to MAKE IT still but someday are very very good. They, for now, outweigh the bad.

        I know reconciling is not an option or even wanted by everyone. I just do what I think is working for us and our family. So far, it is. Best wishes to you on your path.

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