Unhappy, darling?

7 Oct

Over the weekend Green admitted that one of the reasons he broke things off with Maria-the-whore was because she was cheating on indexhim and seeing other men.  Can you imagine my surprise?!  Green said that while he didn’t like that she was irresponsible, negative and demeaning to others, selfish and just plain bat-shit crazy he really did have some very big issues with her being a whore.  Unfaithful to him.  Hah!  I burst out laughing and called him a hypocrite, he got kind of upset (I could tell) but he stayed quiet.

Until I said… “Good! I’m glad!”

He said, “You’re glad that she cheated on me?”

YES.HE.DID. (God sometimes he’s an IDIOT!)

I made sure to control myself… (thank you anger management classes!) and icily replied, “Of course I’m glad!  I am very glad that she cheated on you. I told you she would.  She is a whore.  Did you really think a woman who has an affair with a married man would be a faithful girlfriend? You can’t make a whore into a wife! She’s a pyscho with no self esteem!  Of course she jumps into bed with just about anyone. That IS what whores do.”

Green to his credit just shut up and finished up his tofu hot pot.

Silly for me to be happy about his unhappiness or dare I say it, his pain?  Well I don’t give a flying F.  Immature? Maybe? Cruel? Maybe a smidge but it is nothing compared to how cruelly I was treated by him and his whore.

God, I do love Green but sometimes he does need a good kick in the pants to SEE through that damn FOG.

And so this isn’t a post about forgiveness or about moving on…  It’s not about me being a better person.  I just thought it was hysterical and it is something that I have been waiting a very long time to hear.

Happy Monday friends!

34 Responses to “Unhappy, darling?”

  1. Ann October 7, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    I agree, most OWs are whores. My H’s boss found out about his A because he had slept her, also, My H thought she was “safe” because she had slept with other married men in his company! Crazy man logic!

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:20 am #

      A mans brain I am convinced will be a mystery to me until I go to my grave. Then perhaps God will reveal the big joke!

  2. jack joseph's mom October 7, 2013 at 5:48 pm #

    I think your feelings are dead on. I’d be happy he was unhappy, too. That he got a taste of his own medicine. Hopefully he realizes that as much as she hurt him, he hurt you, except worse. But he’s a man, and I don’t care if I am insulting a whole gender, they just don’t care about anyone’s feelings but their own.

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:22 am #

      Yeah some taste of his own medicine I think is actually helping him. And it made me laugh… the stupidity of it all. Hope you are well.

      • shawnthewife October 8, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

        Green didn’t get a taste of “his own medicine”. The medicine he dished out was far more rancid than what he sucked up. He cheated on the person he vowed to love and protect and cherish forsaking all others for life! Green was only cheated on by his whore of choice. She made no such commitment to him. Maria owed him nothing. Perhaps he wasn’t comparing his pain to yours, but I hope he truly comprehends the distinction.
        I totally get the: If he is unhappy, I am elated syndrome! As you know from my blog, I worked my ass off to cause my FWH as much misery as possible for the first year after DDay. I raised that activity to Olympic levels! Now I know why. If I could make him miserable and he still stayed, maybe I could begin to trust that he really loved me and wouldn’t hurt me again. If I pushed him beyond the limits of what any reasonable man should be able to tolerate, yet he still begged me to forgive him for causing me so much pain, then being vulnerable again wouldn’t seem so damn scary.
        That was a really rough way to work toward reconciliation. I’m amazed we survived the trauma. There are so many safer paths on the Road back to Happy.

      • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

        Hey Shawn,

        I suppose its not the “same” medicine but for me its enough.

        I truly do believe he was stupid enough to fall for the “this is fate, we’re star crossed lovers” and the “world is against us” hype of an affair. And when she proved herself to be a low down dirty person with no values – I think he was even more disappointed in himself and his stupidity. Which is why it took him so long to admit it. Most of his truth trickling comes from the fact he doesn’t want to share with me his bad choices and feelings because he thinks I will judge him. Good or bad those are his defense mechanisms.

        I can stand back and TOTALLY understand that. Will he ever understand my pain? No,I doubt it. Just like he will never understand the JOY of what is like for me carry our unborn children and give birth to them. He will never feeling myself grow and the PRIDE I have in directing my own healing.

        I do have to stop kicking him around so much. I, too, seem to be testing his dedication to saving our marriage by making him just as miserable as I had been. Honestly there are just so many moments when its just so ridiculous that all I can do is laugh. At least I’m not spontaneously crying anymore.

  3. uneffingbelievable October 7, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

    Thank you for the belly laugh! We’re you actually supposed to feel bad for him that his whore cheated on him?? Logic like this makes me want to stick a fork in my eye just to make the brain strain of trying to make sense of it go away! Since he knew she’d been passed around the company, did he really think he was so special that she’d change for him? Sometimes Narcissists are so funny! They really believe that shit. Thanks again!

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:22 am #

      I’m gonna start a new topic… Stupid Things Cheaters Say. LOL.

      • uneffingbelievable October 8, 2013 at 11:25 am #

        Do it!! I’ve got one for you: “It was never my intension to hurt you.” What were you trying to do, make me ecstatic??

      • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:48 am #

        Yeah, up there with “I just want you to be happy.”

        Because banging a whore behind my back, lying about it and making me look like an idiot is his way of making me “happy?”

        Stupid cheaters.

      • Paula October 8, 2013 at 5:57 pm #

        My favourite was, “but you seemed so unhappy at the time, I thought I was doing you a favour, you could walk out with your head held high if we were caught.” Oh yeah…….. he really said that!

  4. Karen October 7, 2013 at 7:59 pm #

    Just found this blog tonight – one year to the day after I found out about my husband’s longterm affair. I’ve heard similar stuff from my husband. It makes me FURIOUS! These men had no legal or moral contract that a marriage has with these whores. Apparently, my H’s whore told him before she made a play for him that her marriage was ending because she had had an affair with another married man. Her divorce wasn’t final but she had ended that affair and was dating someone else. Then she flirted with my H until he decided to go for her. Then, when he wouldn’t commit more to her int he first couple of months, she slept with a colleague of his. Finally, she threatened to kill herself and crush H’s career if he left. H’s affair went on 5 1/2 years! I feel so stupid. I got all the evidence a year ago today and the affair ended that night. The whore quickly got a new boyfriend. H says he is relieved to have his life back and happy. He says he knew he could never trust her but didn’t know how to get out. That makes me angry, too. He is brilliant and, apparently, incredible stupid all at the same time, too. He just wants me to put it behind us and move forward. I am trying but I really just don’t know how I can trust him again. One therapist said that i was morning the loss of my innocence. That is certainly true. I am just so hurt and angry.

    • Ann October 8, 2013 at 11:24 am #

      Karen, your story sounds very similar to mine. My H tried to end his A early on, also, but the OW made threats to tell me. He finally spread out his “Meetings” with her to about once a month hoping she would move on. When he finally ended it, she made sure her H found out and he contacted me. She was hoping I would leave so she could have him. But he never wanted her to begin with. My H was relieved, also. He said he was tired of living with the lies and disappointment he had in his self.
      We are 13 months from dday, still struggling daily!

      • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

        hang in there ann!

      • Paula October 8, 2013 at 6:01 pm #

        Ann and Karen, snap – same here, trying to extricate himself from a bunny boiler who kept threatening to tell me (she is permanently single) – so he also stretched out the “hook ups” (their words) also hoping she would get sick of being left hanging, and he constantly let her down by “being too busy, can’t get away,” for months and months. Didn’t work, she told me six weeks after he ended it for good (he’d tried twice before, but she got bat shit cray-cray.)

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:42 am #

      karen, I’m sorry that you are going through this. its a terrible thing but you can survive and you can be stronger, i swear.

      “He is brilliant and, apparently, incredible stupid all at the same time”
      I totally identify with that comment. my husband is smarter and better than the sum of actions he committed against me. i focus on those good, brilliant, and loving parts of him.

      i’m glad you found my blog… please check out the others that I featured here under ‘blogs i follow.’ there a lot of different paths, stories, choices on how to heal and come back from an affair.

      in my case, i chose not to divorce and its definitely hard. but honestly so far its worth it for me and my family. there is a need to mourn and grieve for what you’ve lost to be sure but there is something there to celebrate. that you are strong enough to survive this! if you spouse is with you and wants to heal yo can dig deep and find that love that remains! it can be ugly and very work hard to find that but i think its worth it.

      i read a study that said 80% of couples who get divorced after an affair regret the decision.

      so i chose not to give away my husband to his whore, to ignore society pressure to “dump him and move” and i ignore the lonely busy bodies who think they know about my life.

      i know its very painful. i am nearly two years out from the discovery of my husbands infidelity and one year from the end of the affair. i am not totally healed. will i ever be totally healed? maybe not. but i will be better. so will my marriage. don’t lose hope sweetie.

  5. jolene October 7, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

    That is priceless… I recently was told my husbands ex whore sent pictures of herself to him sitting on a black mans lap, shortly after he cut her off. I personally am not racist, but know the rules around her and men in this area are rather corn feed. Hysterical laughter, I could believe she thought that would make him want her. I know it wasn’t a good move.. lmfao

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:44 am #

      the whores are crazy.. i know my husbands stupid whore tried dumb ways to get him back too. seeing how pathetic she was after he dumped her made me VERY happy. stupid whores – do they really think their whorish behavior wont catch up to them?

  6. Moddie October 8, 2013 at 8:55 am #

    After the laugh you have to wonder. Talk about monumental hypocrisy?! She cheated on him?! . So…,if she hadn’t “cheated” would he still be with her.? The supreme irony that it’s a deal breaker for him, yet here you are with him. What does that mean? Is that a slap in your face? Does he think less of you for tolerating what he clearly would not? And then to tell you about it now?! And the way he framed it, is he really that clueless?! WTF?! Does he think all’s clear for him now? You’ve certainly mastered the art of anger management as I would have kicked his clueless ass so fast, figuratively speaking, of course…Funny, even though our relationship is doing great, I find that now I have zero tolerance for spousal bullshit.

    • Flaca October 8, 2013 at 11:20 am #

      Actually no I don’t see it that as he came back because she cheated. We were already working through our issues long before their affair ended and that was something that ‘plagued’ their ‘relationship’ from the beginning.

      When I read his texts before I threw him out I knew that he was jealous of her other boyfriends. I knew she was jealous of the times he spent with me. Crazy right? I told him so, I said “You do realize that you are BOTH nuts, right? She is jealous that you are with your wife?! And you are jealous that your whore is a whore?” I still threw him out… at that time he was so deep into his delusions of escape and pain that he sought solace in someone who was as damaged as he was. I think that these two people, and many others, who are in affairs live in a fantasy world. That is what drives their very crazy, unsafe and delusional behavior.

      Looking back to me it’s just funny how people walk around in a “fog” and they don’t see things as they affect others when it clearly affects them too.

      In my case, “a slap in the face”? Nope.

      It was a frank date night dinner conversation about how fidelity is important. We were talking about a marriage where I saw that a woman who had been cheated on was having an affair – revenge I thought – and that I felt bad her because it wouldn’t help her, instead it would hurt them both. You may not believe it but It was actually a great conversation. Had its tense moments but we went on to have a great night. Whats more, you may not believe it either but in many ways our conversations are much more honest than they ever have been.

      What was my take away from it? He admitted fidelity was important. He admitted that his own inability to be faithful when he was unhappy in his own life was and is a character flaw. This is growth for husband and I am glad for it. He is able to articulate what the affair did to us. He admits the affair was wrong. His talking about why he broke up with his whore is actually a huge step for my truth trickler.

      That’s all I offered this posting as – a funny moment of how crazy and stupid the things that people say and do are. I am glad you doing well.

      • Moddie October 10, 2013 at 7:28 am #

        Hey Flaca, I’m glad that your relationship is evolving to have frank conversations that’s extremely important if you’re to recover from infidelity. While I understand everyone’s healing journey is different, it simply irked me that nearly a year or more after discovery he still seemed clueless and surprised that you’d be glad she “cheated” on him. Like I said, I have zero tolerance for bullshit and cluelessness now. But you dealt with it well. It’s good to have a sense of humor. It’s just that nothing about infidelity strikes me as funny, it was the most painful experience I’ve ever had in my life and has forever changed me.

        I guess I’m “lucky”, for lack of a better word, that while my husband cheated he had no delusions of being in love but rather was obsessed with having sex with her after months of online flirting and sexting. He met with her once and was too “conflicted” to do it again. He was actually pleased when she found another (dont they all find someone else?) as he hadn’t wanted to be the one to “let her down” and expose he was just using her, that was his “illusion” mr nice guy…Regardless, betrayal in any form is devastating.

        And it is progress when a wayward admits that their infidelity is a character flaw, but more than that a lack of mature coping skills and boundaries that needs be addressed, and little if nothing to do with the marriage issues.

        Wishing you well in your journey.

      • Flaca October 10, 2013 at 2:52 pm #

        Yeah, I used to wish that my husbands affair was more casual and random. But it wasn’t. It was planned and pursued – by both parties. I have worked hard to accept that I can’t compare my husbands cheating to others because its just different. Wishing that his affair was a another type is was self harm? So I no longer wish that it was anything than what it was. So for me, I do want to know what pulled them together and what tore them apart. Him admitting he woke up and realized he didn’t love her? That she wasn’t what she thought she was? That’s a big step for him.

        My husband IS A STUPID IDIOT.

        Yes, I agree.

        But at least he admit its… now.

        Good luck to you too & thank you for your posts!

  7. Scabs October 8, 2013 at 5:45 pm #

    Wow! That is super funny!! Empathy can be a bitch when it finds you. Ouch.

    • Flaca October 10, 2013 at 2:45 pm #

      Right, I’m glad you got it!

  8. TLM October 9, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

    What? Whore-Face went a whorin’ on him? But I thought it was twue wuv! This completely shatters my whole belief system about life in Unicornland. I’m stunned.

    *eye roll*

    And his widdle feelers are hurt that Skanky McSidepork wasn’t hopelessly devoted after all? Cry me a river, dude. I’d say limiting yourself to just laughing in his face was quite restrained of you.

    • Flaca October 13, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

      Lol! Right??? Unicornland! I love it!

  9. leaveitonthepage October 9, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

    This was hard for me to read. If my husband uttered a word about being upset over a mistress cheating on him I don’t know if I could remain calm. I personally think it was selfish for him to tell you how he felt, something like should have been reserved for his private therapy appointments. To me it sounds like he was trying to hurt / provoke you by being cruel.

    I’m sorry you had to hear that from your husband. No wife should have to endure that. Or infidelity to begin with.

    • Flaca October 10, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

      I’m sorry if it bothered you. I did not or do I intend that. Instead, it was as I said for me very interesting and funy. Truly it actually didn’t bother me! Like I said it made me laugh and a bit pleased. A defense mechanism, perhaps? Maybe. Truthfully, I am actually very curious about his relationship with her. Not the sex. Who cares about that. That’s common. I find the relationship being one full of lies from the start being another chapter of my husbands dysfunction. Instead the fact that he was open to letting me judge him by admitting he was hurt by HER? Even at the risk of making himself look dumb and making him upset? That is us for us a big step forward, I think.

      Yes infidelity is terrible but it happened to me. It happened in my marriage. I have come to accept it. I want to understand what left him and us open to it.

      I hope you are well. I miss your baking posts! ;)

  10. PinkStellar October 13, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

    Tonight, i told my partner that i found stuffs in the garage from his OW (gifts, love letters, music cds, sex toys and used pair of laced bikini – i know disgusting right?), i told him i threw them and he went berserk. Rushed to the trash room and locked the door. He probably turned over the trash bin but didn’t find anything. I threw them 2 weeks ago. His face was white and told me “i should have not thrown everything” cause he wanted to send his OW some of the stuffs back. It broke my heart to see his reaction. It scared me that what they had wasn’t just sexual but emotional… I am hurt. But I didn’t fight or question him. Instead I focused on my daughter and told her how much I love her and that she is my treasure. Then I prayed and cried. Then I reread this post. I realize I’m not being naive… I am just getting stronger, JUST LIKE YOU :)

    • Flaca October 14, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

      Oh I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I don’t know what I would do if there were physical reminders of love, affection or just sec between Green and his OW. You’re better than me. A year ago I probably would have scratched his eyes out. And yes YOU are strong. Keep focusing on you and your treasured daughter… You are her hero. Big hugs!

      • PinkStellar October 15, 2013 at 3:00 pm #

        I think reading reading blogs and testimonials from other betrayed wives/husbands help me understand the situation. We have different stories and experiences but what’s common is the betrayal. If i had not read all these blogs i would have probably “scratched my partner’s eyes out” and burned his clothes and called the OW and be foolish. Thank God for internet right and for u and other bloggers, for sharing your experiences. Hugs and kisses and all the best!

  11. Notsoanonymous October 16, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

    This chain of posts caused me to have a discussion with my husband the other night. I just started to reflect on the fact that I had gone a year and a half into recovery without ever needing to know more than the gist of when, where, etc. But I have been moody lately, bitchy perhaps, and I suddenly felt like asking for some details, so I asked if he ever bought her gifts. I imagined so, but maybe never asked because I didn’t want to be hurt. Turns out there were two….no suprise there really. What was suprising was how much the reality was far less hurtful than what I had imagined all this time. Turns out he bought her a scarf and a Kokopelli figurine (sp?). Not as romantic or symbolic as I thought they would be. The scarf was a little hurtful, or odd, as I love scarves and he has bought me many. But Kokopelli? Really? The god of fertility (and a trickster). I find that hilarious considering I was pregnant when he had his affair and the last thing he would have wanted was for HER to be blessed by the fertility god! Part of his mid-life crisis moment with that turdy 25 year old was about our unplanned, late-in-life second child. In hindsight, maybe there’s something to the trickster thing. He was being a master narcissist and liar….way out of character…though all of us sat and watched it unfold without a clue as to what was really going on. I get that a lot of old people from Arizona like to put Kokopelli in their yard (my grandparents being one of them), but as a gift to the OW???? He said it was an airport purchase without any thought put into it really. I’d say, given what it means, that it’s clear there wasn’t any thought put into it. It’s embarrassing (for her) to imagine her receiving it and feeling so adored and loved. It’s embarassing for me to imagine my husband giving such a lame gift and it working to get in her pathetic pants. I wonder where that damn figurine ended up after all of this came to an end? More evidence that it often isn’t nearly as significant as we make it out to be. I will happily skip off now to the sound of Kokopelli’s flute….!

    • Flaca October 19, 2013 at 5:18 pm #

      Oh cheaters are silly and yes, I think they often don’t think about the meanings of gift giving.

      Early in his affair my husband gave his OW a pair of sunglasses from a designer that I like a lot. That hurt me a lot because it was for Christmas & he gave me sunglasses too! I know because I found the receipt with both purchases on it.

      Any way a week later I threw him out & I gave my sunglasses away to charity – brand new with the tags still on. I just couldn’t stand looking at them much less wearing them. He said it hurt his feelings when he learned later that I had gotten rid of them. Hah! Another stupid thing my narcissistic lying cheat said!

      I told him, “Well imagine how it feels to me that you bought us BOTH nearly the same thing! Really? The SAME GIFT?! We’re we the same? I am your wife and she is a whore!”

      I saw that sometime later she posted on her Instagram account that she had lost them. I was SO HAPPY. (for a short while I cyber stalked her – no I am not proud.) He bought me another pair from the same designer this year and now I feel very good about wearing them. Cleaner somehow. There is balance in the universe… it might be silly but I believe it.

      You get your dance on sister! Kokopelli ain’t got nothing on you! I, too, adore scarves… keep on rocking them! Thanks for your comments & sharing your experiences!

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  1. Clarity about the AP….long time coming | Diary of a Warrior Princess..... - October 8, 2013

    […] but he knew it would end sometime. He told her he would never leave me. After reading Flaca’s post we got into a discussion about his relationship with Tina. I asked him how after knowing she was a […]

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