Happy Mother’s Day friends. In our home, my Mother’s Day tradition is a trip to Disneyland and a cold margarita at Disney’s California Adventure. I know, I’m one classy lady. As a child of the 80′s and Southern California this is the ideal ‘treat’ for me. You can imagine I don’t get much of an argument from Ditto and Dot about it either. We all win.
Last year my Mother’s Day was pretty horrible. Just as Green and I were heading out with the kiddos to Disneyland I was triggered by a receipt in his car, the whore mobile. I asked him if it was from his whore, who he said he was no longer seeing but who I suspected he was, and my then psycho Green flipped out and we had a HUGE fight in our front yard about it. The kiddos were my SUV watching a Disney movie and luckily heard nothing of it. The fight meant nothing, in that nothing came out of it – No revelation. No honesty. No apology. Green was just still full of the rage at his life and as usual for the time he took it out on me. In the end we ended up at Disneyland and the afternoon went much better. Oh the memories. In any event I hope today’s trip will be much better. In fact, I know it will be. We have come one year past that terrible time and we are committed to making our marriage stronger. If that can’t be realized at the happiest place on earth, well then, what hope is there? No pressure, right?!
I joke but I know Green is trying to do something else today for Mother’s Day – on a grander scale- he took Ditto & Dot shopping and they have been very secretive about their activities. Ditto is dying to reveal her secret and seems to be nervous about letting it slip. I appreciate it. I do. It’s all very sweet. I guess I should just say thank you and accept it. It’s hard to push down the memories of the deceit and accept that all this crap really happened. But it did. We can’t change the past. I can only try to let it go and move forward. It’s hard to bury the past hurt, especially when it was so recent, but I should instead reflect and be grateful for what I have:
- Yes my husband cheated on me AND we do have two lovely, healthy and intelligent daughters!
- Ditto and Dot are my green eyed girls with his curly hair, my high cheekbones (thank God!) and my long legs.
- At one time our love manifested itself into two little lives who bless me everyday with their kisses, questions and challenges.
- I love being a mami. I have the grey hair to prove they drive me crazy AND I have the laugh lines to show they bring me joy.
Guess what… Ditto just woke up, her bedroom is just across from my office, sleepily I had heard her mumble sleepily to herself… “Oh its Mothers Day! hrrmph hrrmgp mblddf.” So cute. She is probably dying with excitement to give me the gift she made in Kindergarten. The gift that she told me to hide from destructive sister Dot but to make myself forget where I had hidden it. Too cute. So now I pretend to not to notice as she tip toes past my office to wake up Dot. Soon curly headed Dot runs into my cluttered office in union with Ditto, to give me kisses, hugs and sleepy but excited “Happy Mother’s Day Mami!” greetings.
Gotta run. Happy Mothers Day to all of you, friends. Be good to yourself. I used to be terrible at accepting praise, compliments and gifts. I was never good at putting myself first. I am working on that. And today I will do it, today I will be selfish and celebrate me, and I won’t feel bad because I deserve it. If the last year of my life has not revealed how truly awesome and deserving of love I am, then I don’t know what will! I do know that Disneyland has a margarita with my name on it and I am on my way Mickey, I am on my way! Cheers!