Today I am on a quick one day work trip out of town. Today’s six hours by car so I had to fly. What sucks is that I have a really long lay over between the end of my meeting earlier and my flight home because my assistant screwed up and booked me on the wrong flight back. The revised flight gets me home very late tonight so I am sitting in the airport waiting for 5 hours. Alone. Bored and slipping into my crazy obsessive thoughts. I wanted to yell at my assistant for her mistake but she’s retiring soon, usually very good and she puts up with my late expense reports. I let it pass and I didn’t even tell her about the error. Perhaps this was her passive aggressive revenge?
So now I’m sitting here with my second bloody Mary and fantasizing about running away. Just day dreaming about getting on the next flight out of town to ANYWHERE else but home. A place where no one knows me. Where I am not ashamed of being a wife who was cheated on. Where I am not the woman who was told she is ugly, old and boring. A place where I could recapture the brave, confident and self-confident woman I was before. I could restart with very little resources I think… I’ve done without before.
I could be like him. I could be selfish like Green.
Green didn’t think of me. Green didn’t think of his children. He didn’t even think about the damn dogs. All Green cared about was HER.
As if! Hah, who am I kidding?! I would worry too much. About the kids. About Ditto’s soccer. About Dot finally getting in the pool. About watering the garden and pruning the roses. And the laundry. There is always laundry.
And I would worry about Green. How could he manage on his own? With the kids? Crazy terrible two Dot loves to jump off furniture and yell, “Cannonball!” And delicate Ditto who needs constant reassurance of love and cuddling with her voracious book reading. Would Green remember to set out the dry-cleaning for pickup? Would he feed the dogs? I wish someone would worry about me the way I worry about them.
I guess that’s pathetic. I never used to feel this lonely. I could pick up the phone to call a friend. I dread talking to people because all they do is ask about Green and I am done talking about IT. Lots of these ‘friends’ are haters and feel validated by our issues. As if our troubled marriage makes their own bad marriages feel better. If they only knew. Infidelity could happen to them. No one is safe.
Well that’s not been productive. Instead, I’ll think of the pretty song, I’ll Fly Away and for now let the next Bloody Mary ease my pain. I’ll be home soon enough, kiss the kiddos and fold the laundry.